I struggle often with how my divorce has effected my girls. I know they are better off, because their father and I were just plain toxic together towards the end. I struggle with how things now are going to impact their relationships. The anger and animosity still sitting there has to have some negative impact on them, and that kills me.
During the holidays this feeling is stronger inside. The more I try to be nice, and rach out olive branches, the more I feel like they are yanked from my hands and used to smack me with over the head. I just do not understand. Holding on to ill will, holding on to anger, letting negativity eat you alive, it just is not healthy.
I pray every day that the kids continue on the paths they seem to be on in spite of everything. I pray every day that they flourish in wake of the crumbled family unit that we had. We have both moved on, remarried, had more kids, and yet, the negativity does not end. I just do not get it. It makes me sad for my children more than anything. I personally do not care what someone thinks of me, but when we have to raise children together, it makes a difference how that person treats me in front of those children. It changes who they are, Dr. Phil taught me that.
So for Christmas this year, I want peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of soul. Not just for me, but for my children, and everyone. I want peace, Santa do you hear me?
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