Disorganized Chaos...

So I blogged about this topic yesterday, but I am going to hit it again today also because I think it is important to discuss this aspect of child development.  Yesterday's blog titled, "I Am Raising A Hoarder..." was about my 8 year old daughter.  She is the sweetest, most loving child, and she is a pack rat.  She is beginning to forget to turn in assignments, forget to turn in folders, and instead of cleaning her room is trying to get away with shoving things in her closet.  She claims forgetfulness every single time, but I know that it is more than forgetting, it is being disorganized. 

I know some of you are wondering what exactly I think is the big trauma here, she is 8 years old and most of them are irresponsible.  My problem is that it is effecting her school work, and she is becoming increasingly disorganized.  I read an article today about disorganized children.  I felt better after reading it because honestly, it feels good to know I am not alone by far. 

Some of the tools the article outlines are really key in most kids' lives.  Teaching kids how to prioritize, how to organize, and realize that these tools are not always innate behaviors that everyone has in themselves.  It is important to guide children through the process of not only learning these tools, but also in incorporating them into their daily routines to make sure that they stick. 

Basic Guidelines

Some simple, basic steps in beginning to organize our children is to make sure they have a daily routine.  The more routine their day is the less stress is created in the unknown.  My kids come home every day and have a snack and do homework immediately.  They know this, there is no question, it is just our routine.  So I make sure that every day we follow this simple routine.  At 7 P.M. we go upstairs every day so that the older two girls can shower and I can bathe the baby.  Whatever time is left between then and 8 P.M. on school nights is their television time.  This is our routine, and most people that have ever even been to our house can tell you it runs like clock work.

With my middle daughter I will need to add a couple new steps to our routine.  For instance, along with homework, I am going to need to add cleaning out her back pack.  I looked in it yesterday, and I think Jimmy Hoffa is buried in there.  This is a simple task that can be easily added into our routine, but it is going to take my commitment to helping her establish it in her routine.

Another basic guideline in organizing a disorganized child is talking to them about their daily grind on the job, aka school.  Just asking if their homework has been finished is not good enough.  There needs to be a meeting of the minds, and a sharing of the calendars on a regular basis.  This way, parents know when book reports are due, exams are scheduled, and what is going on in the child's week and can help regulate stress.  The more a child is prepared, the less disorganized and chaotic they will be.  This only leads to healthier study habits, and better organization. 

For my peanut, she has a daily planner that her assignments are listed in and we go through it regularly.  We will begin to go through it even more, and plan ahead the time that she will be working on things like projects and reports.  That way, I can keep an eye on what she has due when, when she should be done with a project, and she can have work done without that last minute procrastination push.

Outlining Expectations

It is important that parents have realistic expectations of their children.  Otherwise, they will feel like they can never meet what their parents want of them which can lead to real emotional issues down the line.  We have to remember that they are kids, and they should act like them.  We are to guide and teach them, not brow beat and criticize them.  I found a great site that that outlines stages in child development.  The site first breaks down child development by age groups, and then further breaks down what the expectations can be for each age group socially, educationally, and emotionally. 

This is a great tool for parents to refer to when dealing with a new stage with all of their children.  I have never had this issue with my oldest daughter, so this is new territory for me, even though I have three kids.  There is never a dull moment with kids, and just when you think you have it figured out they will throw you a curve ball. 

Once the age appropriate expectations are identified by the adults, and expressed to the children, then it is time to make sure actions are put into place.  Follow through means everything.  Without consistency, there is no change in a child's life.  They need repetition, routine, and reward.  With the repetition and the routine will come the reward. 

My daughter is going to finish this school year strongly, we made a pact on that one.  We have agreed to implement some new expectations into our routine, and we will soon reap the rewards.  She is going to learn that being organized and on task has its own benefits beyond making everyone happy.  She is going to see that hard work does feel good, and that Jimmy Hoffa is too heavy to be lugging around in that back pack of hers.  Onward and upward. 

I Am Raising A Hoarder....

I am at my wits ends.  I have lectured, yelled, taken away things, etc.  I feel like there is something about my 8 year old that makes her inherently a hoarder.  She has a problem parting with anything, even pieces of paper.  I have never seen anything like this.  I have no explanation, no reason, no logic.  She seems almost emotionally attached to everything she owns. 

Today she was cleaning her room and asked me what to do with a large shoe box that she had decorated for her class Valentine's Day party.  VALENTINE'S DAY?!?!  I asked her if there was anything still in the box and she told me that there were the cards from her classmates.  I felt bad afterwards, but I just looked at her and said, "You have to throw this stuff away! You will get more cards from the same kids next year, THROW THEM AWAY." 

I was busy nursing the baby, so I asked the oldest sister, who is 10 to check on the room after she claimed to be finished cleaning.  Well, of course the warden found plenty wrong with it, but she was right!  There were wadded up tissues in an empty tissue box, pony tail holders randomly about, and just stuff. 

I immediately went looking to see if Hoarders was on television right that moment, sadly it was not.  I have it set to DVR now, because I explained to her that is where she is headed if she does not get this under control.  I guess I am hoping to scare her straight?!?!  I want her to see what an unhealthy obsession with stuff looks like.  I want her to see what happens when people cannot let go of things. I am not saying she WILL be a hoarder, but hey, it has to start somewhere. 

I do not know any other way to get through to her.  I asked my mother, that is how desperate I was.  She informs me that she herself was the same way as a child.  She said she eventually just grew out of it...ugh.  Okay, so I have some hope, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.  I mean my mom is a clean freak, so really, this does give me some solace. 

I am still going to give her a taste of Hoarders...scare her little butt straight. 

A Delicate Balance....

I fully believe that this picture captures how most parents feel at any given moment of any given day.  Life can sometimes feel like this delicate balancing act, in which you are completely blindfolded. 

Juggling kids, work, home, marriage, health, play, etc., can be exhausting and we have not even finished the day yet.  I think it is important for people to realize that there are only so many hours in one day, and only so much that can be accomplished in that day.

I know many people that have a hard time asking for help, and yes, I am one of them.  It has always been a struggle for me to ask others for help in any way.  I always felt like I could just handle it, whatever "it" was.  Like the woman in this picture I felt as though I could just toss another ball in the juggle and keep on ballet dancing on down the tightrope.  Sometimes, we have those days where we can handle it all.  I have had days where I got multiple loads of laundry done, an almost gourmet dinner prepared, worked out, scrubbed half the house, and still managed to shower and look hot before hubby got home.  Then I have had those days where I wonder if I will manage to get out of my yoga pants before I have to pick up the kids from school, and better yet, wonder how much I care. 

Life ebbs and flows, and so do our bodies and our energies.  We have to learn to seize the moments when they hit, and not beat ourselves up when they leave.  Today has been one of those challenging days when I set out with my sights to conquer the world and now the day is almost gone and I feel like I hit about half the things on my list.  I sit in my bed with my laptop, and my sleeping toddler next to me, wondering if it is worth it to try and stay up long enough to do one more load of laundry.  I am already planning what I have to get started when I get up tomorrow at 5 A.M.  I have my mental list growing in my head. 

But will this keep me up tonight?  No, not at all.  I know that today I did my best with what I have.  I have a teething toddler, two school age kids, a husband who was home not feeling well, and myself having been up a great deal last night.  I walked the tightrope and juggled as much as I could today while ballet dancing blindfolded across the circus ring, and I am okay with that.  I will do it all again tomorrow, and dance blindfolded, juggling, and be okay with that load too. 

Do Co-Sleeping Babies Lead To Independent Children???

I read an article the other day that left me going, "Hmmmm????"  It was geared towards how our American society views certain child rearing techniques somewhat in a backwards way.  Co-sleeping was one of the topics that was touched on in the article. 

I have three children and I have never co-slept, before now.  My third child, who is now 19 months sleeps half the night in her bed, and half in our bed....okay, sometimes more than half.  I have always felt somewhat guilty about this, like I was not teaching her independence.  Now after reading this article, and examining my child, I have to wonder if I have in fact been teaching her more independence than she would have if she did not co-sleep.  Hmmmm...

First and foremost, here is the article titled, "Have American Parents Got It All Backwards?"  It sites the Japanese culture and their beliefs on co-sleeping.  The Japanese are very supportive of co-sleeping and the notion that it fosters independence by feeding the need for nurturing and closeness at night.  Children automatically feel loved, nurtured, and bonded through co-sleeping, and therefor will act more independently during the day, because that basic need is met.  When they are ready, they will gravitate to their own bed.  Hmmmmm...

I have to say, I feel like this article is certainly valid, and not because I am looking for an excuse to keep my toddler in me bed...well not solely because of that.  I feel like I am benefitting sometimes by having her there also.  I feel like we are exchanging some sort of great energy, bonding, recharging together.  It is hard to put into words. 

So for the time being, I plan on keeping her close, still encouraging her to sleep in her bed when she is okay with that, and letting her come snuggle up with Mommy and Papi when she needs that closeness and comfort.  I will listen to her cues, not society's, when it comes to what is best going to meet her needs. 

I would love to hear co-sleeping stories, or independent sleeper stories.  I am always open to hearing what everyone else's experiences have been. 

Coffee, Old School Style.

So it is no secret that I am a coffee fanatic.  I love my coffee, not just for the boost, but the taste itself, and the smell is one of the best in the whole world.  The other day my coffee world almost came tumbling down, down, down.

The coffee maker has been acting up.  I am still in the age of the regular ole coffee maker, no Keurig craze here.  I drink Bustelo every morning, which is a great Spanish coffee.  It is strong, bold, and full of flavor, and so am I. Anywho, the coffee maker was brewing half the coffee for the water I put in the machine.  I put in 8 cups of water, and it would brew 4 cups of coffee.  While I enjoy my coffee strong, that is a bit ridiculous, even for me.  So for a day or two I just added extra water into the pot itself so that it would equal out as it brewed. 

Yesterday I took the whole machine apart, cleaned it, and found what I thought was the problem.  I found a small piece of broken off coffee filter in the water uptake compartment, and I surmised that this was blocking the flow, and meanwhile the heat was evaporating about half the water in the process.  So, I put it back together, and somewhere along the way I broke a piece.  Not just a piece, but a critical component.  I was mortified.  It was late, so I did not want to run out and buy another machine then, so I decided this morning to make coffee old school, because that is how I roll. 

I present this picture to you.  I put a filter into a strainer, boiled water, and then slowly poured it through the strainer/filter.  I then repeated the process so that the coffee would be a little stronger.  It was great!  But I had to laugh because the site of this reminded me of something I would be watching Wilma Flintstone do.  In this age of push button living, here I am standing over a make shift coffee machine, getting antsy when it takes 20 minutes to prepare my coffee at 5am. 

I savored every last drop....

Mother's Day

Tis the season to celebrate our Mothers!!  So far I know one of my daughters is planning on making breakfast, and another is writing me a song.  The third is 19 months old so I am hoping that she sleeps through the night, that might be the best present ever. 

Mother's Day is a celebratory day that has been around for quite some time.  Many countries around the world celebrate Mother's Day.  Some celebrate International Women's Day instead, due to the commercial nature of Mother's Day. 

In the United States, our modern Mother's Day was first founded in 1914 by Anna Jarvis.  She held a memorial for her own mother in 1908, and led the campaign to create the holiday on our calendar.  By the time 1920 rolled around she was already disappointed in the commercialism of the holiday. 

Around the world different countries celebrate Mother's Day in many ways.  some countries use religious dates of significance as Mother's Day.  Other countries use dates of significance to women to celebrate moms, or women in general.  In Roman Catholic countries the celebration is centered around The Virgin Mary, the mother of all mothers. 

Some countries, like Germany and France, adopted a Mother's Day traditional celebration during times of greatly declining birth rates.  This was in an effort to celebrate the meaning of motherhood and show a support for women to create families and raise children.  They felt that by lifting mothers up, and showing support for them it would encourage more women to want to become mothers themselves.  The birth rate did come up, but it remains to be proven whether or not the creation of Mother's Day had any impact on that. 

In India, mothers are revered greatly by their children.  Mother's Day for them is a day to thank their mothers quietly for their love and devotion.  It is common in India for the cultural centers to have events to celebrate mothers, but their celebration is not religious in nature.  It is a time to honor moms through praise and cultural arts. 

The greatest irony of Mother's Day here in the United States is the fact that the woman who started it all, Anna Jarvis, was ultimately arrested for protesting the holiday.  She became so enraged at the commercialization by the card companies and florists that she literally protested the whole holiday and showed regret for ever having supported the notion in the first place. 

Mother's Day does not have to be filled with expensive gifts and flowers.  As a mom to three girls, when my oldest two ask what I want for mother's day, I answer to them the same thing every year, "I do not need presents, your love, and appreciation are more than enough."  This is true.  The fact that one is making me breakfast, and the other is writing me a song, makes my heart just melt.  They are putting so much thought and attention into their gifts.  They have been planning for WEEKS!!  It is just the sweetest, cutest thing ever.  They started giving me my gifts the moment they started talking about them, because they have not stopped.  It means so much to me to be so important in their minds. 

I wish you all a Happy Mother's Day.  This year, sit down and write your Mom a handwritten letter expressing your love and devotion.  We have the power to take the commercialism out of this and every holiday, we just have to make it a priority.  We have to take the commercialism out of our society first and foremost. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

That PITA In Aisle 3....

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!  How many times have you thought this??  You know you have, whether you were at the grocery store, the doctor's office, the park, where ever. 

We have all seen the kids who overrun their parents, the kids who are way too sugared up, way too out of control, and way too whiny.  We have all seen them, but here is a question, what do you do when you see it?  Have any of you ever actually said something to the parents? I know I have not.  I have however said something to my own children the nanosecond we got into the car.  I think every moment has a lesson to glean and this is no exception.

I have literally gotten my kids into the car only to turn around and say, "Did you notice that boy that was screaming at his mother in the candy aisle?  Let me just say, that behavior is completely unacceptable in our lives, and I will not ever tolerate that the way she did."  Usually my kids are as put off as I am at the defiant, obnoxious sorts, thank goodness. 

We all have our ups and downs.  We all have good days and bad days with our children.  I would like to think that little Johnny throwing a tantrum over candy is just having a bad moment, but I am more inclined to believe that little Johnny behaves like this regularly, because it gets him exactly what he wants.  He is engaged in guerilla warfare with his parents, and he is winning.  They are overworked, under paid, and over tired.  They have given in, and Johnny knows it.

Talking About The Big D....And No I Don't Mean Dallas....

Today I had a conversation unlike any I have had in the past with my older two daughters concerning the divorce between myself and their father.  It came about completely benignly and I was totally caught off guard when I could see where our chat was going.  But I treaded lightly, did not need a stick, and I think I just had a really deep chat with my little ladies.

It all started when my oldest daughter began talking about a boy in her class who has been using a good deal of profanity this school year.  She said she was thinking about why he was doing this all of a sudden this year when in the years past he had not been one to use language like this.  We are talking dropping the F bomb here, and while many of you may think that I need to get out of my vanilla world and come to grips with 10-11 year olds using that language, I have my hopes for our youth.  I still hold true that if I am paying for private school tuition I should be able to expect certain behaviors to be off limits, but that is a whole other post.

Anyway, so my daughter tells me that this boy's parents got divorced last year, and ever since then he has been using foul language and had a bad attitude.  So she understood why he may be feeling a little angry.  Hmmm, this was food for thought.  This was a hard pill to swallow also.  Then, she made me feel better.  She goes on to say that while she understood his feelings it was no reason for him to act out and be rude to other people.  She said that even though her father and I are divorced she does not, and would not act out and be rude to other people because of that.  She said that if he has anger towards his parents for getting divorced then he should talk to them about that.  Out of the mouths of babes.  I wanted to cry.  Instead, I asked her the question that lead us down the next conversation, "How do you feel about Daddy and I getting divorced?  Do you feel angry?" 

Now I know that my daughters are among some of the most well adjusted children of divorce on the planet.  Others have confirmed to me how amazing these two girls have handled the situation, and it is because they have had a village to help them handle the situation.  We may not have done every thing right, but we loved those girls through everything and they know that they have nothing to do with our divorce.  That being said, I was very anxious to hear the answer to my question.  Is my child angry that her parents are divorced?

She ponders for a few minutes and then says, "I am not angry, but sometimes it does frustrate me, and it makes things more difficult sometimes."  I gave this some thought and realized, if that is the worst thing she has to say about the situation then she must be pretty okay.  She complained about the traffic driving down to where her Dad lives, which is certainly worth complaining about in this area.  She complained about the amount of weekend time she does not get with me, which I understand as well.  Mostly she complained about this because she wants more friend time.  I get that.  But she understands why we are not together, she sees we are better apart, and most importantly, she really truly understands that our divorce had nothing to do with her and her sister. 

We then went on to have a conversation about my relationship with my parents, which again is a whole other blog post, and talk more about divorce in general.  Both girls expressed displeasure with not being able to have both parents participate in things together, which I respect and understand.  I would love for that to be different, but my desire alone to have cohesion even in the face of divorce is not enough.  I can try to piece Humpty Dumpty back together, but if he won't cooperate nothing I do is going to stick. 

It is hard to be divorced, and even harder when it involves children.  I am so happy to be so connected to my kids.  They are my heart, my world.  I am so happy they do not burden their hearts with blame for their parents not being together.  I am so happy that they know they are loved by both their parents, their step-parents, and everyone in their family.  I am so happy that this occurrence has not stumped their emotional growth, and mostly I am happy that they know they can confide in me, and talk to me about their feelings.  I love my girls more than anything in the world, and I would lasso the moon for them if I could. 

The Joy of Having A Toddler...

 

There are many things I love about my toddler.  She is sweet, smart, fun, and just a general joy to be around.  That being said, there is one way in which she drives me absolutely bat sh*t crazy. 

When I am working feverishly to clean the house, she is working just as feverishly to unclean the house.  I try and get her involved, to get her to "help" me.  This is almost as bad as just letting her go buck wild in the background. 

What I do now is get her interested in a couple different activities in one central location.  Then, I hurry to get as much done as I can in that area without distracting her attention from whatever has her captivated.  Once she loses that desire to stay where she is playing nicely, my time is up and it is time to wrap it up, immediately.

Some people just say screw it, and let it all hang out until the kid goes to bed and then they do the 15 minute round up and shove everything in its place as quickly as they can.  Others, like me, go through the daily grind of trying to maintain a level of "company ready" at all times.  There is no wrong or right method, just a matter of what you are comfortable doing.

I have been in people's homes that looked like a tornado went through.  When I walked in they politely said, "You will have to excuse the mess, I just wait until bedtime and we clean it all up then."  No big, I mean as long as it is not my house, I do not get hung up on that.  Now, I have also been to a couple homes in which there was food lingering under the table from breakfast, which was hours since over.  I have seen a few milk ring stained tables, and a stray sippy cup or two.  I know for a fact that the moms in those households were very overwhelmed, because they told me so.  Thankfully it was soon after our visit that they were able to get a helping hand in there to get them back to the level that they were comfortable. 

It is important to be okay in your own home, whether you have kids or not.  I have a 19 month old who is a busy little bee, and who is very clingy to mommy.  So things are not as clean as I would like, but I have to say I feel like I do a pretty good job.  At any moment someone could come into my home and I would feel fine welcoming them in and feel relaxed sitting down with them for a visit.  I would not feel like I had to explain away a mess, or be shoving things in the closet before I opened the front door.

I think the key to this is keeping as minimal amount of items out and about as possible.  The more knick knacks the more dust, the more clutter, the more ojeda (pronounced ah-je-da).  You know it, you have had it at some point if you are a parent. I think there can be a balance kept that does not keep parent away from child too much, but still allows the house to be kept tidy and in order.  I also love organizational aids, but be careful because too many of these are just more clutter.

We also have areas that are toy friendly and areas that are not.  My 19 month old also knows that before we leave her area, which is the living room, she must put her toys back in her toy box.  She does it religiously now.  It just took some practice and patience, and lots of clapping.  But she knows that it is part of the routine.  If she is ready for bath or bed, she will start cleaning up, and you can hear her saying, "Mess, clean up mess. Okay, yes, clean mess."  It's really kind of cute, although I wonder if she will eventually be OCD and washing her hands 12 times before touching her toys at some point.  But hey, she knows to throw them in the box before we leave the room.  It is not that hard of an expectation to meet eh?

So whatever the state of your abode, just strive to meet your own standards, not those of any imposed on you by some societal unrealistic standard.  Care about your home the way you care about yourself and your family, as best you can with the "help" of kids.

 

Privacy....A Hot Commodity....

 Is this true or what?!?!  Why is it that everyone could be happy and content and the minute, no the second I decide to finally go pee after holding it for 8 hours everyone is looking for me.  All of a sudden the APB is out on Mom and I need to give any and all of my children my attention at once.  And it is not just the kids, my dog has been found sitting outside the bathroom door while I hide out, oops, I mean, use the bathroom. 

 

Where is the radar located, and how do I get Tom Cruise to go Mission Impossible to disable this thing?!?!  My toddler can now open the door, unless I lock it of course.  Then she just shoves her fingers under the door and yells, "Mommy, Mommy!!"

 

I feel like some crack hoe tryin' to hide a habit in there, and really all I want to do is pee in peace.  I would love an explanation on this one.  Yes, I know, I stopped paying attention to them and they realized it, but seriously, I cannot even get completely in the bathroom without the toddler making a Rambo maneuver and pushing the door in just as I am about to close it.  Then she slams it shut and stands there, looking at me. 

 

They call me the Warden, but I have to be supervised while I pee, sounds a little backwards eh?  Who do I have to bribe to get a little quiet tinkle time around this place?!?! 

Combatting Picky Eaters

One of the biggest compliments I get is that my kids are great eaters.  This goes across the board with all three girls.  My 19 month old daughter's favorite food is broccoli, and next to that is avocado.  She also loves bean sprouts.  My older daughters are great eaters also, they love spinach, broccoli, peppers, etc.  This is not a situation in which I just got lucky three times.  It is no happy accident that I have three kids who eat well, and appreciate healthy fruits and vegetables. 

From the time they started eating solid foods I pushed fruits and more so vegetables.  Starting as early as possible I started feeding them every veggie I could, even the ones that I do not particularly care for myself.  It  is important that kids develop their own tastes.  Just because I did not like brussel sprouts as a child does not mean my kids would hate them.  As a matter of fact I discovered that when cooked properly, those things are quite delicious!  Who knew?!?!  I have a deal with my girls regarding new foods.  If they give it one or two bites, real bites not little nibbles that you cannot even see on the spoon, and they do not like it then they do not have to eat it.  All I ask is that they try, and they do.  I think having the ultimate say over whether or not they are going to be eating this food has made a world of difference.  They know there is no fight, just try it, give it a fair shot, and if you do not like it, then that's okay.  But here is the catch, the next time I make it (which will not be for a while) you have to try it again.  Maybe I will try to cook it differently, season it differently, or your taste buds have matured enough to palate the food now.  But you have to give it a true shot, every time. 

In saying that, it is important that I say something to all my parents out here.  If your child tries something and really just does not like it, then you have to be real about how frequently you cook it.  You really do have to consider their preferences when you are planning meals, get them involved, it makes a difference. 

My girls love to help cook dinner.  They are constantly asking how something is made, what is in it, what they can do to contribute to the meal also.  They have a vested interest in what they are going to be eating, and guess what, that also makes them want to try things even if they are unsure how it is going to taste.  Are you seeing the control theme throughout this post yet??  It is true, kids want to be a part of what decisions effect them, and what they eat is one of those decisions.  I have never had to have a show down at the dinner table, ever.  I have never had to bargain with my kids to eat all their vegetable, or anything, in order to get something else.  I have, however, hidden vegetables in my oldest daughter's smoothies when she was a toddler. 

We all know that toddlers are wonderful little beings, until they discover free will.  Then it is on like Donkey Kong.  My oldest daughter went through a phase where she would not eat vegetables, but she was 18 months old.  She only wanted fruits.  I kept offering them at almost every meal in every way I could think to prepare them.  She refused to eat them.  I even said something to the doctor, who informed me it was a phase, and she would return to her normal veggie loving self in time.  Well that was all fine and good but not enough for me to feel better.  Every morning this child asked for a fruit smoothie, which I happily made for her.  Then, one morning, I decided to see what would happen if I added the leftover broccoli that she refused from dinner the night before.  I upped the amount of fruit a little bit, and voila!  She drank it without any issue.  She had no idea that she was drinking a broccoli smoothie, but I felt better about her getting the nutrients that I was paranoid about her missing.  Eventually, after I continued to offer veggies, she came around, and began eating regularly again. 

It was a control issue, she was standing her ground against doing something she knew I really wanted her to do.  I just got creative.  I felt better, and relaxed more about her not devouring the veggies, and she picked up on my feelings.  She relaxed her grip on controlling what was going into her mouth when she felt that her feelings were being respected.  I know it may sound silly to be talking about a child who was 18 months old when this happened, but trust and believe, this is the reality of it.  Toddlers are little people, they have personalities, and traits that adults have also.  We have to learn how to communicate in their language since they are unable to communicate in our completely.  When I gave my child the understanding that I was not going to control what she ate, she ate everything in sight.  My job as a parent was to get creative and yes, sneaky.  This same child now wants to go to culinary school and someday be a chef.  She eats just about anything.  She loves to cook, and loves to try new foods. 

My 19 month old daughter is currently a vegetarian.  She eats all types of veggies, fruits, grains, etc.  Now, that is not to say she eats everything because she does not.  But I keep offering everything because at some point she will probably begin to like the things she does not care for right now, like peppers.  I make sure that whatever we are eating, there is enough that I know for sure she does like, and then give her a little of the other things that she may or may not care for also.  It is a balance, but one that will make the future so much easier.  No more, my child only eats chicken nuggets and fries, or worse.  Kids are going to go through phases of preferences, yes, but we have to be diligent as parents in offering things to them.  We have to walk the tightrope of control, never fully relinquishing it, but giving our children enough of it themselves that they feel like we respect them.  That is what picky eating is about, control. 

If you have a picky eater, start out slow.  Buy a kids cookbook and let your child pick out a recipe for you to make together.  Something easy and simple, just to put your toes in the water at first.  When they see that they created something, and they like it, they will want to do it again, and again.  Get creative, get sneaky if you have to, but most of all, get proactive!  Get kids involved, and they will overcome their pickiness.  If you give them a good, healthy example, they will follow.  We are the biggest influence in our children's lives, and it is our obligation as their parents to make sure that we are positive influences. 

Responsibility

On Friday my middle daughter lost ten dollars.  She went on a field trip and I gave her ten dollars just in case they stopped at the gift shop at the museum.  She apparently put the money in her lunch bag, instead of her jacket pocket.  When I asked her if they were able to buy anything, she said no they did not go to any gift shop.  So I asked her what she did with the money, and the look on her face said it all.

She told me that she put it in her lunch bag, and forgot to take it back out.  So the money got thrown in the trash.  I was silent.  She felt bad, I could see it immediately.  But here is the thing, she was irresponsible with the money.  I did not yell at her, or even say much of anything.  I think that made her even more uneasy. 

I did tell her that she will be working that money off.  I told her that I knew it was a mistake, but that I gave her responsibility and she made a mistake, and this was how she would repay the mistake.  I also made sure to remind her that mistakes happen to us all, and we all have to make up for them. 

She did a couple extra little things this evening, fed the dog without being asked or told.  She did not complain when asked to go downstairs and let the dog back in the house from the yard.   She was even more helpful with her little sister this evening at the park. I know she learned her lesson. 

How do we parents decide what is the proper punishment for certain behaviors? What punishment fits what crime.  I know this can lend itself to be a heated discussion as some of us view certain punishments as appropriate where others of us do not.  I am not going to be discussing spanking right now.  It will be a topic I discuss later, but that one deserves a post totally to itself.  Right now I am just focusing on this situation. 

Let us recap the crime in question to be able to adequately determine the charge on this eight year old little peanut....

Okay, so my eight year old accidentally threw away my ten dollars because she was having too much fun on her field trip and got a little careless.  I asked her why she did not keep it in her pocket, to which she said they were told not to bring their jackets.  Hmm, okay, well her P.E. uniform (the uniform they had to wear that day) does not have pockets in the shorts or the shirt, so she had to be a little thrown about what to do with the money.  I will give her that. 

So then she decides to put the money in her lunch bag, the only thing she has left to actually carry something inside.  Okay, not the best place, but if I put myself in an eight year old mind I can see where she feels no other option.  Then they go to the museum and start having fun....la la la...fun fun fun. Okay, now it is lunch time.  They are still amped up, having a great time and they are all hanging out, eating together. 

She eats her lunch, shoves the trash back inside the lunch bag, and throws the whole thing away.  There it is, her crime.  Her slip out of common sense and all that she knows to be right in the world.  Well, maybe that is a little dramatic, but I have to keep you guys enthralled over here right?!?! 

Okay, so she could have given the money to her teacher and asked her what to do with it since she had no pockets, but she did not.  She was trying to be responsible for her own belongings and it backfired a little on her.  The Warden, as my children so lovingly call me, has decided to go easy on her.  She will work it off.  Some extra doggy chores, which she hates to do, some extra house chores, and a lecture here or there.  I think that punishment fits her crime.  She didn't burn the house down, or maim anyone.  She certainly knew she disappointed me, and I think that was the biggest punishment of all.  She hates that feeling, which is why I did not yell at her.  I think she has already learned a lesson here, and now I will just make sure she does not forget what she has learned. 

Make sure your punishment fits your child's crime.  Make your moments teaching moments, not just yell at them to make you feel relief moments.  It is no coincidence that the word MOM is the first part of the word MOMents....hmmm, and that is the thought I leave you with today.

Super Mom

This term gets bantered about quite a bit.  I have been called Super Mom by my husband, family, and close friends.  At first it actually made me uncomfortable, like it was a standard that I felt was impossible.  I felt like if they think I am SuperMom then where is there to go from there.

 

I have come to terms with a similar term, Super Mom.  There is a difference.  SuperMom without the space is a super hero that does not exist.  This is an idealic persona that every mom strives to be, kind of like the Barbie doll of the mom world. 

On the other hand, Super Mom indicates a mom that is super.  A mom that is loved and appreciated by her family and friends.  A woman that is flawed, and makes mistakes, but still does her best to do what is right for her kids.  She is every mom that loves her kids, her husband, and herself.  She is every mom that works, stays at home, or works from home.  She is every mom that puts the needs of her family on the top of her priority list, and does what she needs to in order to raise good, contributing members of society.  She is real.

 

Being a SuperMom is like trying to be Batman, you can try but somewhere along the way the costume is going to get really hot and uncomfortable and you may not be able to get out of the Bat mobile very well.  And good luck fitting your groceries or soccer equipment in that thing.  At some point those moms that portray themselves as SuperMom have to come back to reality, and realize that they are Super Moms just like the rest of us doing our best. 

It is time we let go of unrealistic expectations and levels of performance that are just plain unattainable.  Do your best, that is all that anyone can do, their very best.  To continue to perpetuate a life in which we teach our kids there is no room for error is to err anyways.  We have to teach our children that is okay to screw up, we are human, it happens.  It is what you do with it that really matters.  Live life, learn lessons from your mistakes and others'.  Treat others the way you wish to be treated and you cannot go wrong.  

It is important for our children to see us fall every now and again so they can watch us pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and get back in the saddle.  They need to learn through example, and that example is always first and foremost their parents. 

So, I say, you can have the cape, the mobile, whatever super hero gadget or gizmo comes with the title.  You can have the super powers, including the x-ray vision.  You can keep the bat signal, the invisible plane, well wait, that would be really cool to have.  Especially with airlines charging so much to go anywhere nowadays.  Sorry, my train of thought derailed on me for a second there.  Anywho, keep your gadgets and gizmos, I will gladly keep my title of Super Mom over being SuperMom any and every day of the week.  I would rather be comfortable being me, flawed and imperfect, than to stress every day over trying to perpetuate a smoke screen of perfection.  It is far more fun and fulfilling this way in my opinion.   

Veggie Wednesday

Every Wednesday we eat a vegetarian dinner.  It is fun!  The kids love it, and it gives us a chance to really get creative with our food.  This is a picture of tonight's dinner.  It is a black bean veggie burger with eggplant chips on the side. 

I am really proud of this meal.  It was insanely delicious, and my kids loved it.  I love getting creative with food, and so does every member of my family.  We all love to cook.  My ten year old wants to go to culinary school and become a chef.  I could not be prouder of her. 

Every veggie on this plate is also organic, something else that is very important to us as a family.  We try to eat as organic as possible, and eat as many NON-GMO foods as possible.  We teach the kids the reality of food, processed food dangers, organic versus non-organic, what the heck GMO means.  They know it all.  But we also have moments where we just order a pizza and sit back and relax.  I want my kids to be well informed and make good choices, but I also want them to know it is not something that needs to be obsessive.  We cook 95% of our meals at home, actually probably more, but I am being conservative.  We encourage the kids to participate in meal preparation with us as well. 

My ten year old made breakfast for the family last weekend.  She made a nutty cornbread in which she incorporated walnuts into cornbread.  She said she wanted to use walnuts because, "they will add a buttery flavor, which will compliment the cornbread nicely."  Yes, she is ten years old.  I love her to death.  She is very aware for her age, she always has been.  I think she has a very old soul.  But, I digress. 

I tell my girls, find something you love, and make it your own.  They have each shown a desire to really take cooking to a whole new level, although the oldest seems to really want to run with the ball.  She is making her own cookbook.  I tell them both all the time, food has several important aspects.  It needs to nourish your body, it needs to be something you enjoy preparing, and it needs to have universal appeal if you are sharing it with others.  The colors, flavors, and textures are all important and must work together. 

Tonight's dinner was not just our typical veggie Wednesday, it was a wonderful, family meal prepared together, enjoyed together.  They praised my veggie burger to the heavens, they helped prep all the fixins' for the burgers.  They devoured every last morsel on their plates, and helped clean up afterwards. 

Food can bring a family together.  The family dinner should be alive and well in every household.  It is a vital piece to the puzzle that can mean so much to everyone in the family.  My girls will grow up remembering all the great meals we tried out together.  They will go on with their own families with the foundation of everyone in the kitchen, working and sharing together.

It is not just a meal, it is an event.  It is a memory that will last us all a lifetime.

Love Makes The World Go Round....

I saw one of the ecards yesterday on Facebook that said something like, try going a whole day with no complaining, and see what positivity it brings to your life.  Today is my day.  Today I will go through the day without one complaint. 

A positive attitude is certainly the best friend of us all, but in our society how hard is it to keep?  I mean, we get irritated at service people when they do not do a great job, we get irritated with our loved ones when they do not perform to our expectations, we get irritated at traffic that is standing still on a highway.  Our society is filled with negativity at varying levels throughout.  There are people that walk around with a permanent scowl on their faces, and then there are those that seem fine until one day they erupt with anger and attack someone out of no where.

When did our society become so full of angst, and more importantly how do we tame the beast?!?  I think we all need a good solid round of Kumbayah and a hug fest or something.  Looking at cultures worldwide I think it is true that Americans tend to be the least affectionate, and the among the most negative.  I think as a whole we are somewhat of an unhappy people.  How else is the self-help field so successful in this country.  People know they are troubled and want to do something about it but need guidance and help to find true inner peace and happiness.

What would it take for you to be happy and content every day?  What would it take for your days to be complaint free?  What would you need in order to walk around smiling every day, just because you are happy to be on this planet and not lost in the minutia of day to day society?  Why not start with just one day, one day of actively keeping a positive attitude?  Try it with me now people, breathe in, exhale, and start anew. 

**Edited to Add....

I have complained a couple times today, I am confessing here and now.  I complained about a friend earlier to my mother, and I complained to my husband this morning when I saw something on television that really ticked me off about a baby being wrongfully taken from his parents. 

This whole no complaining thing is even harder than I thought.  How can we avoid complaining and express discontent about things in our society??  I mean, I was also working through the problem with the friend with my mom so it was not like I was merely emotionally dumping on my mom.  It was like therapy...lol...anyone that knows my mom knows why that is insanely funny.  

So those are my confessions for today.  I am going to keep on working on my positivity, today, one day at a time.