Responsibility

On Friday my middle daughter lost ten dollars.  She went on a field trip and I gave her ten dollars just in case they stopped at the gift shop at the museum.  She apparently put the money in her lunch bag, instead of her jacket pocket.  When I asked her if they were able to buy anything, she said no they did not go to any gift shop.  So I asked her what she did with the money, and the look on her face said it all.

She told me that she put it in her lunch bag, and forgot to take it back out.  So the money got thrown in the trash.  I was silent.  She felt bad, I could see it immediately.  But here is the thing, she was irresponsible with the money.  I did not yell at her, or even say much of anything.  I think that made her even more uneasy. 

I did tell her that she will be working that money off.  I told her that I knew it was a mistake, but that I gave her responsibility and she made a mistake, and this was how she would repay the mistake.  I also made sure to remind her that mistakes happen to us all, and we all have to make up for them. 

She did a couple extra little things this evening, fed the dog without being asked or told.  She did not complain when asked to go downstairs and let the dog back in the house from the yard.   She was even more helpful with her little sister this evening at the park. I know she learned her lesson. 

How do we parents decide what is the proper punishment for certain behaviors? What punishment fits what crime.  I know this can lend itself to be a heated discussion as some of us view certain punishments as appropriate where others of us do not.  I am not going to be discussing spanking right now.  It will be a topic I discuss later, but that one deserves a post totally to itself.  Right now I am just focusing on this situation. 

Let us recap the crime in question to be able to adequately determine the charge on this eight year old little peanut....

Okay, so my eight year old accidentally threw away my ten dollars because she was having too much fun on her field trip and got a little careless.  I asked her why she did not keep it in her pocket, to which she said they were told not to bring their jackets.  Hmm, okay, well her P.E. uniform (the uniform they had to wear that day) does not have pockets in the shorts or the shirt, so she had to be a little thrown about what to do with the money.  I will give her that. 

So then she decides to put the money in her lunch bag, the only thing she has left to actually carry something inside.  Okay, not the best place, but if I put myself in an eight year old mind I can see where she feels no other option.  Then they go to the museum and start having fun....la la la...fun fun fun. Okay, now it is lunch time.  They are still amped up, having a great time and they are all hanging out, eating together. 

She eats her lunch, shoves the trash back inside the lunch bag, and throws the whole thing away.  There it is, her crime.  Her slip out of common sense and all that she knows to be right in the world.  Well, maybe that is a little dramatic, but I have to keep you guys enthralled over here right?!?! 

Okay, so she could have given the money to her teacher and asked her what to do with it since she had no pockets, but she did not.  She was trying to be responsible for her own belongings and it backfired a little on her.  The Warden, as my children so lovingly call me, has decided to go easy on her.  She will work it off.  Some extra doggy chores, which she hates to do, some extra house chores, and a lecture here or there.  I think that punishment fits her crime.  She didn't burn the house down, or maim anyone.  She certainly knew she disappointed me, and I think that was the biggest punishment of all.  She hates that feeling, which is why I did not yell at her.  I think she has already learned a lesson here, and now I will just make sure she does not forget what she has learned. 

Make sure your punishment fits your child's crime.  Make your moments teaching moments, not just yell at them to make you feel relief moments.  It is no coincidence that the word MOM is the first part of the word MOMents....hmmm, and that is the thought I leave you with today.