New Year's Resolutions

I am typically not a New Year's resolution type of person.  I usually just treat it like any other day, make myself stay up until midnight, say happy new year, and move on with my life.  This year I am going to make a couple of modifications to that routine.  I am going to put some goals out here, goal, not resolutions per se.

This year, I will find my niche.  Whether it is making jewelry, as an Independent Consultant with Arbonne, blogging, etc.  Whatever avenue I am destined to be pursuing, I will figure it out this year. 

I will be weaning my youngest this year.  She will be two years old in September, and it will be time at some point this year.  I have loved nursing her for an extended period, but I am really starting to want my body back. 

Speaking of my body....yeah, that ole thang.  I will commit to losing the last 10-15 pounds I want to lose this year.  For once and for all I will figure out how to combine diet and exercise instead of mastering them separately at different times.  I will combine the two for the body I always knew I had inside.

I am going to keep in better contact with family and friends.  It is hard when almost everyone is at a distance.  There are only so many hours in a day that I am available to talk on the phone.

And in that sentiment, I am going to increase my circle of local friends.  I am going to join MOMS Club in my area, and meet some new people with little ones the same age as my littlest princess. 

I am going to continue to work to make the situation between myself and my ex better.  That is a two way street, so I know I can only do so much to change things.  But I am going to do what I know is my best, so that I can continue to sleep well at night, well at least as far as that issue is concerned.

I vow to speak up more, and ask for help when I know I need it.  It is okay to stumble, it is okay to fall flat on my face.  As long as I pick myself up, dust myself off, and ask for a hand when I need it.  I am not Superwoman, and I will stop pretending that I am.

I will continue to work on bettering communication with my hubby.  Things are really good now, we seem to have a good system in place, and I will continue to do my part to keep things moving in a good direction so that we may always be a good example to ourselves and our kids on what a relationship should look like.

There are so many specific things I want for this year....more financial freedom, less stress, more creative endeavors, less drama.  I am sure of one thing, whatever is meant to happen, WILL HAPPEN. 

Happy New Year everyone.  I hope all of our dreams come true. 

Missing My Kids

My two older girls are currently with their dad for the rest of their Christmas break.  I am at the point that I miss them terribly.  The energy in the house is different without them here.  It's not bad, just different.  They bring something to our family that is lacking when they are not here.  When my husband and I first got married, he was a little confused why I was so sad when they left. He said I should look at it as a break.  Now, he gets it because he feels it too.

Over the past couple years he has developed a bond with them that is unbreakable.  When they leave he misses them almost as much as I do.  I thought after the baby wss born it would be easier. Maybe at first it was, but that was short lived.  Now that the baby is a toddler it is rough all over again. The littlest sister looks for her big sissies all over the place.  She goes knocking on their doors while calling them.  It's adorable and sad too.

I keep hoping with time things will get easier. It has been a few years, so maybe in a few more it will ease.  The older they get, the more and more I love being around them.  Having a blended family is sometimes tough. Having some our family gone is hard. Maybe I can focus on tasks that are kore difficult with them here. It cannot hurt, that is for sure.

So, I sign off for tonight.  Counting the days until I can hug my growing girls again,

Stalker Parents

Aubrey Ireland, College Student, Wins Restraining Order Against Helicopter Parents

I just saw this story on Good Morning America. These  parents go beyond helicopter parents in my opinion.  This is obsessive parenting. I feel for this girl. I am certainly involved, but would never be this ridiculous.

Russian sanctions....tit for tat

Russia's Putin signs anti-U.S. adoption bill - CNN.com

Putin has signed a bill that now halts any US adoptions of Russian babies.  It seems as though this is in retaliation for a bill put into okace by President Obama recently.  Mothballs are outlined in the above article, and ultimately deal with the treatment of people that are suspected of war crimes. The ban on adoptions seems to just be the icing on the cake.
In America, Russian adoptions are outnumbered only by Chinese adoptions. So this bill has major implications in the adoption world in our country.  There have been some concerns about recent increases in abuse claims regarding Russian adoptees. These children often have physical, emotional, and/or mental issues. Maybe there is a need for better support for adoptive families, and training for those with special needs.

Teachers Armed, Weigh In....

200 Utah educators take class on handling, having concealed gun in class - CNN.com

Teachers in Utah took a conceal carry class over the holidays break.  I am not comfortable with my children's teachers being armed. But I would love to hear from parents who do support this idea.  I do not want a bunch of rhetoric, but I would love to see some real in depth conversation on the topic. 


How do you all feel about armed teachers? Would you support armed security guards in schools?  What do you feel is the best way to deal with safety in schools?

Money or No Money, THAT is the Question

Calling their dad abusive, feds appeal $900G payout to adult children of veteran who died in botched gastric bypass - NY Daily News
Children of an abusive, neglectful father are awarded damages after he dies from an infection following gastric bypass surgery. Should they get that money?? The attorneys for the hospital say that the dad was nasty and the kids will not be missing a parent they had some great relationship with. Basically, they are saying he was an insensitive, dirty, bigot who was not worth anything to his family. I would love to hear opinions on this!!!

Stubborn is as stubborn does

Today...

How true....

When Parents Disagree

The worst part of coparenting is the disagreements that occur. In our situation they happen a lot. I am usually made to look like the bad guy, When in reality the lack of communication is the biggest problem.  Instead of discussing problems I usually get what I call nasty grams. Criticisms of my parenting, without any productive conversations ever taking place.
Who suffers the most, the kids of course.  They internalize things, and that is not good for them. They should not continually have to pay for the actions or reactions of their parents.  We need to figure out how to get along well enough to be cordial to one another. Is it really that hard to just be respectful, really?! I will take the high road once again. I will respond in kindness, for the sake of my children.
I would love to now at what point the nastiness drops and we all just decide to get along for the sake of the kids.  We will not always agree, but we need to work together for  their sake.  Let go, and let God.

Family by definition

Cuddling Kills

Must read!!

The Aftermath

Today the girls go to their Dad's for a week. I am going to miss them so much.  We had a great Christmas, and for that I am incredibly grateful.  I am looking forward to the New Year and  a geeat 2013! My mom also leaves today, what a sad day.  Goodbyes are never fun or easy, but are a necessary part of life.  Hopefully the time goes quickly and I am picking up my babies before I can miss them too much!

Merry Christmas!!!!

I hope you all have a great Christmas! Nothing better than seeing your child jumping up anddown because they are so excited about their gifts. Makes a Mommy happy. I hope all your dreams come true. Happy Holidays!!!

Truer Words Were Never Spoken....

Remember this as we scramble for those last minute Christmas gifts, it is not the gifts that mean the most to our children but the experiences they have with us.  Children want more than anything to be included in anything and everything they can in our lives.  Get to know your kids, beyond what they want to play with....

Uh Oh, She Asked THE Question....

Last night my 10 year old asked if Santa is real.  I asked her what she thought, and she looked at me and said, " I asked you first."  Darn that kid is good.  She is an incredibly mature child, so I KNOW she KNOWS the truth.  She happened to ask in front of her 8 year old sister, who is as mature as an 8 year old should be, and just sat there doe eyed waiting on the all knowing Mommy's answer.

I have always told the kids that Santa is magical.  For those that believe in him he is very real, but for those who do not, he is nothing more than pretend.  This has been satisfactory in helping them to keep believing.  It does not make a difference to me whether they believe or not, but it is fun to keep the magic alive, especially in these times.  It is nice to have a bit of make believe that everyone participates in and everyone gets excited about.  And it's nice to have some cookies left out that no one is asking to eat...less competition. 

I am pretty certain that my oldest daughter knows exactly what the deal is with Santa, but she loves the magical aspect as well, so she keeps her faith alive.  She did however make it known that under no circumstances will she ever believe that any of the mall Santas are real.  I had no argument there, I mean really.  But she followed up with the understanding that obviously Santa is a busy guy and he cannot be in charge of the whole thing and make appearances at malls everywhere, so obviously he had to exercise some time management.  I told you she was mature. 

Santa is real, he is real in our hearts and in our imaginations.  He is real in our inner children, and in our actual children.  I am glad to have another year of belief all around, that is my gift from Santa!

Swedish House Mafia - Don't You Worry Child feat. John Martin (Pete Tong...

Yesterday, following the moment of silence to honor the innocent souls lost in sandy Hook, the radio station I listen to played this song.  There version had sound bites from the parents throughout the song.  I literally had to pull my car over because I just began sobbing like  baby.  Yes, I could have changed the channel, but feeling emotions is a good thing, and I wanted to hear out the awesome tribute to these poor, lost babies.  It made me once again hug my babies a little tighter, because you never know....you just never know. 

I think this will be the tear jerker song of the millenium from now on.  I know it will be for me!!

Apple Cinnamon Water

I am always trying to find more ways to get more water.  I came across this on Pinterest, and I am so going to try this!!!

I think flavored water, NATURALLY flavored water is the way to go for kids too.  I do not give my kids juice, but you can better believe they can drink some water infused with apples and cinnamon!  I am so excited to try this out!!

 

  Think of the possibilities!  To top it all off, both apples and cinnamon are natural metabolism boosters.  So it can also increase the odds of weight loss!!  I cannot wait.  If it wasn't 10:00 PM, and I would be up all night, I would go make some now!  But tomorrow morning while my coffee is brewing you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be giving this one a try!!!
**EDITTED TO ADD**  Made it this morning, and it is DELICIOUS!!  All three kids love it too.  Yummo!!

Milk, DOUBLING in Price?!?!?!

You know, with all the talk about gas prices the price of many things nowadays goes almost unnoticed.  I came across an article about the price of milk and the potential for milk prices to double after the new year.  I almost spit out my milk...

What is the saying, "Don't cry over spilt milk."  Well if we are talking $7 a gallon, I will darn sure be crying over it!  To top it off, we buy organic milk.  So that increase in price will have us paying about $8 per HALF gallon.  Someone pass me a tissue.  I think we may be better off just purchasing a cow.  I will sell the milk to my friends and that sow will pay for herself in a couple months.  Now, if only I could convince the dog that the cow was a dog.  But seriously, the cost of everything is going up, WAY UP, and pay is not increasing, jobs are sporadic at best, and we keep hearing about how we are dangling off a fiscal cliff. 

How are we supposed to feel all peaceful and happy during the holiday season when so much of our financial future is in turmoil?  The article says there is still time for congress to act.  Oh geez, here we are at the mercy of these folks again.  Why is it whenever we are dealing with congress everything is a cliff, or a shutdown?  Why does it always come down to some state of emergency?  The need to act on these issues and act quickly and efficiently.  We do not need to be forced to pay exhorbitant prices for basic food items, like milk.  We are already paying through the nose for gasoline, health insurance, and everything else under the sun.  We need relief, not even greater increases in costs. 

So I say to congress, get it together people!!!  Fix our economy!  Fix our financial situation!!  Get together, work together, make it happen!!!  We put you all in office because we believe you can get the job done, so poop or get off the pot. 

Dog For Sale....

I am so bloody tired I could cry.  Why you ask?  Well, my mother in law came yesterday to spend Christmas with us.  She gets my oldest daughter's room.  My oldest daughter moves in with my middle daughter, and her roomate, the dog, moves in with us.  The dog has always snored, but last night, that was beyond snoring.  The noise coming out of that creatures face was unbelievable.  Never, ever, in my 26 years of having dogs in the house have I ever heard a dog THAT loud. 

The corker in the whole thing is that he is a Puggle.  He is half Pug and half Beagle.  He is about 25 pounds.  That little guy made a noise that sounded like he was 225 pounds.  When I sat up and tapped on his crate to wake him up so that he would stop, he sighed, like I was bothering him.  I wanted to take an air horn and blow it in his face...but I do not keep any laying around the house so I just laid back down and attempted to go back to sleep. 

So then what does he do, starts crying to come out because apparently he thought I was waking him up to get up for the day.  No, son, learn to tell time.  It is 2:00 AM, lay back down, go to sleep, and shut up.  So this post is an ode to my dog, Tai.  It's short for Taino, which were the natives in Puerto Rico....my hubby is Puerto Rican, so there is a reason for the name.

I give you for your viewing pleasure, Tai.....thank goodness there is no sound attachment otherwise you may need earplugs.

Yes, he has a pacifier in his mouth.  The baby never took one, and he found it under the pack-n-play.  He came out from underneath with it in his mouth just like that.  So I HAD to take a picture.  He's a punk, but we love him.

Blended Families....

I struggle often with how my divorce has effected my girls.  I know they are better off, because their father and I were just plain toxic together towards the end.  I struggle with how things now are going to impact their relationships.  The anger and animosity still sitting there has to have some negative impact on them, and that kills me.

During the holidays this feeling is stronger inside.  The more I try to be nice, and rach out olive branches, the more I feel like they are yanked from my hands and used to smack me with over the head.  I just do not understand.  Holding on to ill will, holding on to anger, letting negativity eat you alive, it just is not healthy. 

I pray every day that the kids continue on the paths they seem to be on in spite of everything.  I pray every day that they flourish in wake of the crumbled family unit that we had.  We have both moved on, remarried, had more kids, and yet, the negativity does not end.  I just do not get it.  It makes me sad for my children more than anything.  I personally do not care what someone thinks of me, but when we have to raise children together, it makes a difference how that person treats me in front of those children.  It changes who they are, Dr. Phil taught me that. 

So for Christmas this year, I want peace.  Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of soul.  Not just for me, but for my children, and everyone.  I want peace, Santa do you hear me? 

The Lament of the Stay at Home Mom (or Dad)

I was just thinking about the way stay at home parents are regarded in society.  I feel like because I am at home people think that I have more time in my day than anyone else.  No, I still have the same seconds, minutes, and hours as anyone.  I just have several different types of activities I have to cram into that time efficiently.

I hear it all over the place, "Well, since you stay at home, you can do...." and, "It must be nice to be at home and not have to work."  Or one of my favorites, "I wish I could stay at home and do nothing."  Yes, me too.  Well, actually I do not wish to do nothing, that would be a lonely and boring existence.  I have to say though, my days are full.  I have two kids in school, and I try to volunteer there as often as possible.  I have a toddler at home who does not nap much, so she is with me almost all day.  She is precocious, and adorable, and active.  My day is full just with taking care of her, feeding her, nursing her, teaching her, molding her into a good and decent human being. 

That does not account for the time I spend with the admittedly neglected dog.  He is now acting like a toddler because he sees that type of behavior gets everyone's attention.  I am currently trying to communicate to him that he is not cute enough to get away with it, a point on which we do not see eye to eye.

Then there is the housework that I desperately try to stay on top of, and sometimes I succeed with flying colors, and other times I crash and burn.  There are the errands, school projects, chauffering the kids to their Dad's house and back on the weekends. 

I know some of you are saying, "Yeah well I do all that and I have a full time job."  To that I say, somewhere, somehow, someone is picking up some part of your life.  Whether it is childcare taking care of your child all day, a maid coming to help with housework, eating out more often because you are too tired to cook dinner.  Whatever it is, I say, there is a HUGE difference. 

I put a lot on myself, my husband will be the first one to tell anyone that.  I often feel like a huge financial burden, having to ask for money for things, when I used to be a single working mom I was the bank.  I controlled all income and spending.  I do not wish to control everything now, but I feel like I traded a piece of my independence to be at home.

So how did I conbat that?  I started a home business...go ahead, get the giggles out...I am currently an Independent Consultant for Arbonne, which is an amazing company with great products.  But my problem is finding the time, support, and did I mention time in which to do what I want with my fledgling business.  This company has amazing perks, products, and people.  I want nothing more than to make my business wildly successful.  But I cannot devote the time that I need to, why?  Because I will not allow myself to take that time from my family.  That is why.  That is it in a nutshell.  I will work around it as best I can until the baby gets older and I can devote more time to running a business. 

Stay at home parents often get a raw deal.  People have a tendancy to look down on us, like we are just lounging around doing nothing all day in the lap of luxury.  When in reality, sometimes I feel like I work in a sweat shop....but I would not trade it for the world.  I love my family, and all I really want is there unconditional love and acceptance in return. 

When exactly did 9PM start feeling like midnight?!?

I just looked at the clock a minute ago...about 5 times.  It is only 9p.m. and yet my body says it feels like it is midnight.  I feel like I have been awake for days.  I got up around 4:30 this morning, maybe that has something to do with it.  Yes, I know, I was being sarcastic.

I have always been an early bird, never really a night owl.  But I used to be able to stay up until at least double digits without a problem.  Man, I really must be practicing my way to the early bird special at 4pm when I am 90 years old or something. 

So, our doctor appointment went pretty well.  Not sure how many of you have kids with reflux, but that is what the doctor thinks the issue is for my middle peanut.  He wants us to keep a food and symptom diary and keep track of everything she eats and drinks, and every time she complains of a stomach ache.  If we do not see significant improvement in a month, we take our log and go to the doctor. 

I hope that this is really simple.  I hope it is reflux and the solution is as easy as watching her diet and monitoring what she eats and how it affects her.  She complained about 1 1/2 hours after dinner tonight that her tummy hurt.  She ate a couple crackers and was fine.  I guess only time will tell.  She is excited about keeping the log, thank goodness!

If anyone has any experience with reflux in an older child I would appreciate some input, and if you are willing to answer some questions, I would really appreciate it!
Now, I think I am going to watch the most interesting thing I have seen all day, the backs of my eyelids. 

Real Illness or Hypochondriac?!?!

I am not sure if any of you out there have a child like mine, but I often have a hard time determining whether or not my middle child is actually sick or is being a hypochondriac.  She has always complained a lot of various things hurting her or not feeling well.  Most of the time just asking a few questions and paying a little special attention to her heals whatever is really ailing her, which I often think is middle child syndrome. 

Lately she has been complaining on and off of stomach aches.  She has complained a couple times that she has thrown up, but no one saw her, heard anything, and she was completely fine directly following her apparent vomitting episode.  But this past Sunday I finally got my proof that there is something going on. 

I picked the girls up from their dad's house, and upon arriving at home they got ready for bed.  A few minutes after bed time she came into my bedroom and complained that she had thrown up.  My husband got her settled back into bed, since I was nursing the baby.  The next morning I found some residue on the toilet seat.  She had eaten stuffed shells, so it was tinged red....which at first freaked me out until I questioned what she had eaten.  So, now I KNOW she has actually thrown up at least one time.

We have a doctor appointment this morning, and I am a little nervous.  My mother thinks it is a gall bladder issue.  I wonder if it is not something like reflux.  It seems like it is always something for her.  She has terrible allergy issues, she is a teeny tiny little thing, she has a double astigmatism, and is very near sighted, etc.  She is absolutely the sweetest, most loving, affectionate, emotional child around.  She will love anyone and everyone she meets.  I feel bad that often when she is complaining about not feeling well, "Mommy, my toe hurts, and my ear hurts, and my side hurts and my finger hurts," that I feel it is mostly attention seeking.  Her grandmother tells me her dad was the same way as a kid.

I just want my baby to be okay.  She is 8 but she will always be my baby.  So if you say prayers, can you say a little one for my sweet pea.  We would both be very appreciative.

Am I Made Of Silly Putty?!?!

Today I feel like I am being pulled in 12 different directions.  We are down to one car, we have Christmas programs, Christmas shopping, moms coming in to town within the week, I have had to drive the kids to their dads and back (which is an 80 mile round trip venture), nursing a toddler, chasing a toddler, trying to clean the house, AAAAHHHHH!!!!

Today is one of those days that the Art of Being Mom looks like a Pablo Picasso painting on crack.  I am writing this while nursing the baby to sleep, talk about multi-tasking.  I have to go pick up Christmas cards, pick up the kids, pick up the hubby, dinner, get the kids dressed and ready for the Christmas program tonight, make myself presentable, toddler, hubby can definitely dress himself thank God. 

I just feel very stressed, and like I am unable to enjoy this time of year.  With all the running and chasing, and doing and going, I feel like I cannot even enjoy what this season is supposed to be about.  I need a break.  Maybe I need to just start earlier, like March.

I hate to sound like a BAH HUMBUG, but sometimes, that is how I feel.  Of course that all changes when I look at my kids and see how excited they are for Christmas to get here. 

Okay, baby asleep, check!  Now, to lay her down for a nap and grab a shower....I hope that smell isnt me, I am pretty sure it is the dog...another task for my ever growing TO DO LIST. 

My heart aches after reading this....

Please read THIS.  I had tears in my eyes after reading this.  My heart aches for anyone and everyone raising children with mental illness, and unable to find the help that they know they need. 

Please, reach out to other parents, especially if they are in need of extra love and support.  Do not let them go through this alone.  Lend them your shoulder, something.

I Sing Like Alicia Keys, And Look LIke Jennifer Aniston.

When my oldest child was a toddler she thought that Jennifer Aniston was me.  We would be in the grocery store and she would see a magazine cover with Jennifer on it, and she would start pointing and saying, "Mommy! Look, it's Mommy!"  People would oooh and ahhh over how cute it was.  I was incredibly flattered.  Well, today, her sister increased the ante.

On the way home from their dad's house we were listening to the radio and singing like we were on a stage in Madison Square Garden.  The new Alicia Keys song came on, "That Girl Is On Fire."  Well, we were giving it our best, and my 8 year old says to me, "Mommy, I cannot tell the difference between you and the singer!"  So, I have made a note to myself to get her hearing tested because obviously she cannot hear anymore.

No really, it was incredibly sweet.  Just as sweet as her blind sister that thought Jennifer Aniston was mommy oh so long ago.  The point here is this, my kids think I look and sound like beautiful, incredibly talented famous people.  Wait, no, that is not the point.  The point is that my girls look at me like the superstar in their lives.  Yes, that is my point.  It is an honor and a privilege to be their mother.  I love them so much.

Our kids hold us in the highest of regards.  They put us on a pedastel, and it is our job to earn that position.  We have to act like the people they perceive us to be.  Be the example of the person you wish to raise your child to be like.  Be there, listen, guide them, give them your time, your heart.  Let them know they too are the superstars in your life.  Teach them to sing out loud, heart and soul!

Blessing, 6 Year Old Beat Up On A Special Ed Bus

I just read a story about a little girl named Blessing.  You can read the story here.  My mouth was dropping open the further I got into the article.  I cannot believe that this child was assaulted on a school bus and she is the one that is being punished. 

This child was attacked by two older kids.  The two bus attendents did nothing, and apparently found humor in the incident that sent the little girl home in hysterics.  Her mother called the police immediately, thank God for her common sense.  Too many people would have first called the attorney or something.  No, this mom kept her wits about her and called the police and an ambulance for someone to come check out her daughter to make sure she was physically okay other than the bruise on her body. 

I am shocked and appauled by this.  At what point to do we step up and protect our children?  At what point do we stop other kids from hurting the younger, weaker ones?  Actually, at what point does that become amusing to an adult, and WHY were they not removed from the bus route immediately??  Even if an investigation were to show that they somehow were not neglegent and contributors to child abuse, they should be removed until proven they were not involved. 

I really hope that beautiful little Blessing gets justice for what has happened to her.  No child should be attacked.  A school bus is certainly no place that any physical altercation should be taking place.  The slightest distraction can cause a horrible accident.  Why the two monitors on this bus were allowing anything like this to happen is beyond me.

Adam Lanza

Yes, that is his name.  Adam Lanza.  This is the person that found the ability in his twisted, screwed up world to walk into an elementary school and murder innocent children and teachers.  That is his name, Adam Lanza.  Why he committed the crime that he did is still unknown, but I think the main point here is that he was deeply troubled.  In the article I linked to his name it states that he was known for showing no emotion, an outsider, a loner, and strange.  At least one person who went to school with him says that it was not a surprise that he did this. 

THAT is the problem with our country.  We have kids walking around through their lives, with something wrong inside.  They are saying that they could see that something was wrong with this person.  Why, why was he just walking around unstable, unemotional, waiting for the wrong thing to set him off?  I am not saying that any person who is anti-social should be locked up, but this kid had a history of instability.

I feel like this kid's village failed him.  I do.  I know many people are just condemning his heinous actions, and I am not trying to minimize the aftermath.  I just think that instead of solely focusing on gun control and whether or not to increase it, decrease it, or just plain enforce what we have, we need to look at our society's handling of mental illness.

We have to make something positive come out of this horror.  Our society has fallen off a much worse cliff than anything fiscal, we have fallen off a moral cliff.  We have lost control of what we allow our children to be expose to.  We have pushed aside those that need help, brushing it under the rug as they are just different.  Different is okay, but mentally unstable needs help!

We have to become accountable as a society.  We have to stand up for our morals and values, and not just talk about, we have to act on it!  We have to return to the days where neighborhoods were safe for kids to play in after school.  We have to return to the time when it was okay to have a disagreement with someone and not worry about them killing you in the street.  We have to return to a time where we respected human life, and cherished all of our kids. 

I implore parents everywhere to stand up and start working together.  We do not have to agree on every parenting aspect, it is okay if we do things differently than each other.  But we have to work together to raise our children in a healthy, thriving environment.  We have to take back our society, and say enough is enough.  Only we can do this, we on the front lines of our home towns.  We are the soldiers in this war.  We fight it with love, compassion, understanding, and most of all COMMUNICATION!!!

I challenge you, you reading this right now, to use your voice right now and state your role.  How are you going to change the world you live in today?  What is your first step in action?  How will you make your world a better place for your children, or your nieces/nephews, your cousins, your neighbors children, any and every child growing up in our society today? 

Christmas Presents...

I am curious to know what everyone is getting their kids for Christmas.  My 10 year old has told me that most of her friends either have or are getting a iPad....which boggled my mind.  She has a Kindle, and her 8 year old sister will be getting a Nook this year.  My oldest is getting a room makeover.  Her sister got one for her birthday in August and it made her older sister green with envy.  Beyond that they are getting books, nail polish, clothes, a couple arts and crafts type things, a board game or two, and that is it from us. 

I was curious what the most popular toys are this year, so I did a  little research and found out what many kids can expect under the tree.  It is a general list so there are some boy toys, some girl toys and a wide age range.  But these are some of the most popular items.  If your child is getting any of these, feel free to give a review once they have played with it. 

1. Leap Frog LeapPad 2.  This is a tablet for kids.  The joke is that it may help keep your kids away from your iPad.  Ummm, that is what high shelves are for, right??  Really though, it looks fun!  It is for ages 3 to 9 years old, which is AMAZING!

2.  HEXBUG Warriors.  This is a really cool looking item.  I do not have boys, or girls that play with HEXBUGS but I would give it a whirl if I did!!  This goes for ages 6 and up.

3.  Melissa and Doug Suspend.  This one looks really fun!  It is for ages 3 and up due to small pieces.  I might have to find this one for my girls.  They are constantly looking for new games to try.  I do not worry so much about the 15 month old getting, and eating, pieces but I do worry about the dog.

4.  Razor Flash Rider 360.  Okay, so I wish this was big enough for me to ride. HA!  I know what you are thinking, and yes, we should all thank God it is not.  This one looks really awesome.  It is for ages 6 and up, and will support up to 160 pounds.  So I guess technically it will support me, but ummm, let's not go testing weight limits. 

5.  Tegu Mobility Magnetic Car.  This will round out our top 5 of the most popular toys.  I have never heard of this one, so if someone has a review I would love for you to post it!!  This toy is for ages 3 to 15 years old.

Honestly, my kids are not picky at all.  They are fairly girly so makeup, jewelry, nail polish, lotions, hair stuff...all the usual stuff makes them happy.  Put that with a couple of odds and ends and one really awesome present and they are set to go.  The little one, yes, that is the one that is proving to be tough.  She is 15 months old, needs nothing, and her favorite thing to play with is her family.  She loves interacting with all of us, including the dog.  So I am having a heck of a time figuring out what to buy her.

Enjoy the company of your family this year, every year.  Enjoy each other, try not to stress, and remember to stop and love those kidlets.

Pre-Teens

My oldest daughter is 10 years.  I know some may not think of that as being pre-teen, but trust me she is very mature for her age....sometimes I think she is a 10 year old in a 25 year old body.  That being said, I have had to come to grips with entering a new phase of parenthood.  Discussing hormones, body changes, and puberty.  Let me just say now, I would rather be hit with a sock full of nickles than to discuss sex with my child.  But I have to, it is the responsible thing to do. 

First, it was the period talk.  I sat her down and discussed what happens in a girls body as she grows and changes.  I talked boobs, hair growth, menstration....it was painful, but I made it through.  Then I swore her to secrecy until she has to discuss this with her children.  Well, maybe not that kind of secrecy, but I told her not to tell her sister.  I also told her that this was something that parents discuss with their kids and not to say anything at school because it is up to her friends' parents to talk about this with them.  So far, no one has called to curse me because my child told their kid about the facts of puberty.

The next topic of discussion, sex.  Oh. My. Gosh.  Just smack me now.  She came home the other day saying that a boy in her class was making a joke about something tickling his pickle.  She said he had to explain to her what that meant.  Now I know I have to have the sex talk with her.  I cannot have fellow fifth graders sharing with her the misinformation about sex that only fifth graders could share.

I am trying to work up the courage for this one.  I would love some advice, book recommendations, a life line....something to make this easier.  I know all parents should be having this conversation with their kids, but I know many do not.  Mostly out of embarrassment, I think.  We need to realize that we are not doing our kids any favors by not discussing things with them.  They will find out one way or another, and they should learn from a reliable source, their parents.

So, after I psych myself up I will take the plunge into the abyss that is the sex talk with my child.  I better get used to it, there are two more after her.  Maybe I will practice on the dog.  He does not understand anyway so I cannot traumatize him too badly.

Someday I will look back on this and laugh....someday.

Co-sleeping....

What we do with our 15 month old is what I call modified co-sleeping.  She naps every day in her own bed.  At night she sleeps mostly in our bed.  Last night she slept the whole night in our bed.  After the happenings of yesterday I needed the extra snuggle of my littlest angel.  I just had to listen to her breathing, see her chest moving up and down while she slept, just know that she was okay lying there next to me. 

Typically, she wakes up frequently.  She wakes up every 1-2 hours.  I start her off in her bed, and then at some point I move her to our bed so that she can continue to nurse and I can get some sleep.  I love her snuggly little self, but I also love having my spot back in the bed.  It's a tug of war every night.  At first I was being given greatly divided advice on co-sleeping.  I turned to Dr. Sears for information.   Upon reading the information I was so happy that I am NOT in fact screwing my child up forever.  I am NOT going to smother her, thank God.  She will actually be perfectly happy and healthy. 

That being said, I am working on getting her out of my bed.  Why?  Well, as I mentioned before I am not getting as good sleep as I was before her.  I have about half the space in the bed, which leads to me being awakened mroe frequently.  I have sleep issues to begin with so this is just adding to my sleep deprivation. 

I stay at home, and thus, am with my little one all day.  So being all day, and all night, I am having a little trouble with not having any time that is alone time.  Not that I would be alone, my hubby is in the bed too.  But I need to feel like I am not constantly in Mommy mode, even if I am.  It's psychological really.  But it is my reason and therefor valid enough. 

So there are benefits to co-sleeping.  Better sleep for parent and baby (I am the odd mommy out in this one apparently), better physiology for baby, decrease in SIDS, and better emotional health.  No one says co-sleeping is necessary for a well developed child.  But co-sleeping is certainly not detrimental to a baby's health and well being.

Co-sleeping is a personal, parenting choice.  I choose to do modified co-sleeping, and that works for our family. 

Attachment parenting

My mother and I were discussing attachment parenting today.  I would be considered an attachment parent.  She and I were discussing extreme behavior, after yesterdays tragedy it seems all people can discuss.  Anyway, I have a 15 month old, who still breastfeeds, who used to be in a carrier almost constantly, and who often finds her way into our bed.

My mom was recounting a story in which she heard of a mom who was breastfeeding her 4 year old, and who had all 4 of her children sleeping in bed with her and her husband.  In my opinion, this is more towards the extreme attachement parenting side of the scale.

My two older kids, 10 & 8 years old, sleep in their own rooms, in their own beds.  They were never big on co-sleeping because they move around a lot and they were not comfortable doing so.  This last little bit does not seem to have that issue.  That being said I am still working to get her into her own bed, why?  Because my hubby and I would ultimately like our bed back, and better sleep.  Sex can happen anywhere, we do not need our bed for that, but neither of us sleep as soundly when she is with us.  We are awakened by her frequently so it can be an issue.

I believe attachment parenting can be a great thing, when done with boundaries.  I do not believe it is healthy to have older children in the family bed.  I believe that people need some privacy, kids included.  I think that there needs to be some inner sense of independence.  I believe that constantly having someone on top of you leads to having issues with being alone.  I think that when kids do not learn how to occupy themselves ever, they can become needy and unable to function without someone else's input.

I wear my kids when they are infants, I breastfeed them until we both want to stop, and allow them in the bed when they really need it.  I also encourage independence, problem solving, and confidence every step of the way.  Attachment parenting is a balancing act, as is every type of parenting.  What works for some will not work for others.  We have to do what works for us and our children. 

I believe that we need to support one another in our efforts of raising good kids.  But in the same instance, we need to be open to someone questioning our practices.  If people do not ask, we do not have an opportunity to teach.  Do not become defensive when people question your methods, instead, look at it as an opportunity to open the eyes of someone to a potentially new and different way of doing something. 

Knowledge is power, and we all share in the ability to be teachers and students.  Instead of withdrawing we should bring all of our attributes to the table and share.  It takes a village to raise a child, and we all need to improve our villages!

Gun Control???

In the wake of the events in Connecticut yesterday many people are discussing our need for stricter gun control laws, but some are calling for LESS gun control.  I am respectful of EVERYONE'S opinion, but I completely disagree with this thinking.  I do not think that teachers should be able to carry a concealed weapon inside a school. 

I do not think ANYONE should be allowed to carry any weapon inside of a school.

The fact of the matter is this, there will be tragedy in our society.  The immediate gut reaction may be, "well if I was there and had been able to carry a concealed weapon, I would have shot him."  Unless you are in that exact situation with those exact circumstances, you have no idea what you would actually do. 

So are we supposed to allow teachers to carry weapons and just think that is not going to scare the hell out of the children?  What about the percentages of accidental weapon firings?  Are we going to be okay with that happening in a school?  What about kids that may find a weapon that is not concealed properly enough, because kids are curious and will seek to play with things that they find.

I think allowing any type of fire arms inside any school is asking for more trouble than it would potential diminish.  The right to bare arms was not designed for dealing with crazy weapons wielding people inside an elementary school.  Our forefathers could not have conceived of this type of action.  This did not happen then. 

I understand the anger and frustration driving this thinking.  I understand being completely disturbed by these events to the point of wanting to physically harm the person who did this, regardless of whether or not he is already dead. 

I think we need to focus on WHY these people are doing these horrible things.  What is the mental capacity of these people, and what is the responsibility of their friends and family to report anyone with this severity of mental illness.  I cannot imagine that this person was NOT mentally ill.  In order to walk into a school that his mother used to work in, and shoot innocent children, he HAS to be mentally ill.  Where was his family in this?   Where was his village of support?  THIS is where we have to combat these tragedies.

We need to ENFORCE the gun laws we have set in place.  Mentally ill people should never, ever have access legally to weapons.  We have laws regarding this and they often go uninforced.  Yes, there are other ways to get weapons, but if we make it as difficult as possible we increase our chances that some how this person will screw up their plan enough that someone will notice, and report them BEFOREHAND. 

I believe we need to protect our children above anything, but I do not agree that allowing teachers and staff to carry concealed weapons is the answer to this problem.  I believe it would further the problem even more.  Go hug your babies, and tell them you love them, because they cannot hear it often enough.

Explaining to the Kids...

When I picked my kids up from school today I breathed a sigh of relief.  I knew they were okay, obviously, but just seeing them made my heart finally relax.  I cannot fathom being a parent and receiving a phone call that there has been an emergency at my kids' school, only to get there and get the news that my child has been shot.  Not just any old emergency, but my ELEMENTARY school child has been shot, and is dead.  This is not within the realm of my reality.  I cannot even imagine.

I had to drive my girls to their father's house for the weekend.  We usually hit really bad traffic on the way down, it's northern Virginia the only traffic we have is BAD traffic.  I told them that something sad and tragic happened today.  I explained the events of the shooting.  They were quiet.  My 10 year old said how said it was that the children died, and how scared everyone must have been. My 8 year old took it to a whole other level.

My precious, loving, caring little 8 year old baby said, "Hmm, right before Christmas.  Those poor people.  I bet those parents have bought Christmas presents for their kids, what are they supposed to do this Christmas without their kids?"  I was a weeping mess by the time she said Christmas the first time.  I had not yet let my brain wander to that thought, that harsh reality.  I had not even given consideration to the idea of these families missing the most important part of Christmas...the children.

My daughter then proceeded to say a Hail Mary and an Our Father for the kids that were lost, and all the people affected by this horror.  Her sister said it with her, and so did I, but it was her idea.  She is the most caring, affectionate child.  She wants attention more than any toy on the market.  She wants acceptance more than any video game.  She wants everyone in her world to be happy more than she wants any material possession.

Telling our kids about this tragedy is important, depending on the age of our children.  Mine are old enough to need to have this explained.  They watch the news sometimes, they read things, they pay attention to what goes on in the world.  I kept my explanation simple, stright forward, and age appropriate.  That is the best advice I have. 

They need to understand, but they need to have it in a perspective that they can grasp at their age.  They need to know they are safe and sound, and that we will do everything we can to protect them from the cold, sometimes cruel world. 

So when you talk to your kids about this or any other life event, keep it simple, to the point, and age appropriate.  Give them no more information than what they need to understand the basic information.  They have an entire lifetime to be jaded by reality, save as much innocence as we can for now.

I just cannot wrap my head around this

Children are innocent beings, pure in heart and mind. It is the adults in the world that jade children and rob them of their innocence. It is the adults that take away their safe havens, whatever that may be.

Children are everything adults should aim to be, positive, energetic, inquisitive, playful, full of unconditional love.

What could anyone think harming innocent babies would do, would accomplish? We are left to try and make sense from nonsense....logic from irrational thoughts and actions. We are left with children who today lost their innocence and a great a deal of their youth, and in too many cases their much too shortened lives.
God rest their souls, and keep them safe because our society did not.

Children are supposed to be safe at school.

Mass shooting in Connecticut.

When we say goodbye to our kids in the morning we take for granted that we may never see them again.  It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this entry.  I cannot believe that someone could be so sick and twisted as to walk into an elementary school with weapons and murder innocent children.

I cannot hug my kids enough, tell them I love them enough, worry about them enough.  My heart literally breaks for these parents and families who lost their children in this horror.  I cannot omagine how they or the parents of the other children affected by this will ever heal. How do you ever let your child out of your sight again?!

This world can be a cold, cruel place, but ot does not have to be.  We have to step up and take care of each other, love one another, respect human life.  Have mercy on innocent children for goodness sake.

I just cannot fathom.

Formula Freebies...

There is a push in today's mother/baby units to remove the free sample formula.  In New York, Mayor Bloomberg is exercising his efforts to increase breastfeeding by telling formula companies that they may no longer provide free samples of formula to the new mothers.  Many people are up in arms over this.  People seem to think that he is trying to take away a mother's right to choose whether or not she breastfeeds her child.  In reality, he is trying to level the playing field. 

These companies are simply exercising a marketing campaign.  They are selling their product to new moms by giving it away first.  These same companies do not provide free samples for moms who choose to breastfeed exclusively.  I did not leave the hospital with breast milk storage bags given to me free.  No, I left with a can of formula, which I did not use.  I have been nursing my 15 month old since the day she was born, and have no use for formula.  If I did need it, I would be okay with the idea of having to buy it myself. 

No one is taking away the choice to breastfeed or bottle feed.  What is being taken away is the advertising to new moms who may be inclined to give up on breastfeeding when it gets tough, and sometimes it gets tough, because they have this free can of formula sitting there.  It is meant to encourage moms to give breastfeeding a chance.  This country is one of the only ones where breastfeeding is almost deemed as a bad thing by a large group of people.  They become vehement at the site of a woman nursing her baby.  Only in America.

We claim to stand for the free and the brave, but turn our backs on the most basic of sustainance giving practices, breastfeeding.  Our society is filled with over weight, under exercised, disease riddled people and we cannot figure out why.  Hello, wake up!!!  It is what we put into our bodies, starting from DAY 1!!!!

So I say, ditch the FREE formula at the hospitals!!!  It is still your choice whether or not to breastfeed or formula feed.  No one is taking that away from anyone.  You just have to pay for it, which you do anyway once you run out of that first can.