I was recently interviewed by Janice D'Arcy for an article about the division of labor in parenting. She wrote a fabulous 4 page article about co-parenting, and the division of labor in regards to raising children.
My two cents amounted to this,
“I think feminism is one of the worst things for women, because we had totally mastered Donna Reed, home cooking and taking care of the kids thing, and then we ventured out into the workplace, which is great and all, and sent the message that women can do it all,” says Jaime Vargas-Benitez, a mother of three in Alexandria. She says she tried that model in her first marriage, but the stress took too deep a toll. In her second marriage, she and her husband decided to revert to the traditional dynamic. “We made the necessary sacrifices so I could stay home. ... In terms of kids, the division of labor is 90 percent me and 10 percent my husband.” It is working so well, she says, that she looks around incredulously at others who are trying to reinvent the wheel.
For those of you that think I must be one heck of a moron for saying feminism is one of the worst things to have happened to women, let me explain. I believe in moderation, in all things. I believe that women can have it all, but that it takes a family, a village, to raise children. My mom was a single mom for a good while, she also was remarried. A single mom does not raise her child/children by herself. Somewhere along the way those kids are interacting with others, teachers, day care providers, family, friends.
I believe that feminism gave women the belief that they HAD to be able to do EVERYTHING by themselves. It gave women the notion that they should be able to not only manage the household, but that they should also be able to do so while having a career. More importantly, I believe feminism gave women the idea that they should be able to do all these things and not have to sacrifice in any field. That women should be able to work all day, have a clean house, drive the kids to school, soccer practice, cook healthy dinners, and still have something left at the end of the day to be a sex kitten for their hubby. Now, I don't know about anyone else but I was exhausted by just typing all that.
I believe that one parent should be home, all the time. I believe that whenever possible children should be with one or both of their parents. Now of course there are always extenuating circumstances, I know that. But ideally, kids need their parents, always.
I believe that feminism made women feel like asking for help from their counterpart meant showing weakness, showing insecurity, when in reality it says, "Hey, we made this family together, so can you help a sister out with some laundry?!?!"
THAT is my point. Men and women should work together in the house and out. In my case, my husband makes more than enough for me to stay home, so the predominance of the housework and child rearing falls on me. I am VERY okay with that. I just make sure that I have some outlet...hi, have we met, this is my outlet right here.
There needs to be balance in any home, in any person's life, not just women. I believe in equality, absolutely, but I do not believe that equality, true equality was the outcome of feminism. I believe it tipped the scales to the extreme in our society. It was a campfire that slowly burned out of control until it no longer served to keep the people by it warm, but made them run screaming to avoid getting burned.
I welcome your opinions, and would love to hear what you have to say about the article....I think it is a great read!!!
Agree wholeheartedly. My mother and her sisters did not learn how to be wives and moms. It was more important for them to work and be independent. Because of that all of them were divorced at least once and every child is a product of divorce. I struggle with these ideals constantly. Dallas does do a lot at home and he does it willingly. However, he also does not expect perfection, so if he didn't help, I know he wouldn't be upset if things are a mess (or shall I say when they are, which is frequently) or dinner isn't ready when he gets home (again more the norm than not!).
ReplyDeleteI believe that it went from "total housewife and no outlet" for my grandmother to completely the other way for her daughters. There has to be a healthy balance. Not that I know what that is at all, but I'm learning. Not only is it difficult to ask for help from hubby but also from friends. It does take a village and a long time ago that's what people had. Even the Amish women get together to cook and such. Our lives are so different though, with many of us moving frequently, and friendships changing. This is one of the many reasons though that I am glad to have hopefully found out "forever" home and community.