When To Step In??

When your kids are fussing and arguing with one another, when do you step in and intervene? Do you wait until things escalate to a physical level? Are there magic words that trigger you to say enough is enough? What is it that takes you from 'let them work it out,' to 'oh hell no, not in my house!'

I am lucky in the sense that while my two oldest do experience sibling rivalry it has been thus far pretty tame. There is usually some tattling, some she said/she said and the occasional stomping off in a huff. But for the most part, at 11 & 9, they have not yet worked my total last nerve. But they do argue, frequently.

Part of the problem is the complete opposite ends of the spectrum on which their personalities lie. My oldest is headstrong, confident, bossy and generally thinks she knows almost everything. Her younger by two years sister tends to be more insecure, and not have the voracity for life her sister does. She prefers to spread the love, leave the mess, and half-ass whatever chores she has because she does not like doing them. I hate to be brutal, but it's true. She is also the most affectionate of the two, and would give the shirt off her back to anyone, including her bossy, know-it-all sister.

Last night is a perfect example of how it goes here. They are Rainbow Loom obsessed, as are most kids their age right now. So they set up in the master bedroom to do a band exchange while we watched our nightly wind-down bit of tv. For those who do not know, the Rainbow Loom is a device on which you use small plastic rubber bands to make bracelets, rings, or other little creations. It has been all the rage for a little while now.

Anywho...within minutes, the bargaining table had degraded into a yelling match. The younger sister did not want to give up any of her white bands, and the older sister was desperate for the white bands. There were some successful trades, and negotiations. I heard a couple instances in which I felt the older sister was trying to take advantage of the younger one, but was pleasantly surprised when the younger one did not fall for the trickery.

I let them go on, bickering and all, until I heard the sentence, "Why won't you trade that, you're just stupid." That is when I called foul, and told them to put it all away. I will not tolerate either of them calling the other stupid. I know there are far worse names to be called, but in my mind it all starts somewhere.

If I let her get away with calling her sister stupid, what will she call her next? When will she lose her mind and call me stupid? How does calling her stupid help the situation at all? The answer is it does not help, it is not okay, and she better not call me stupid, ever.

My breaking point is name calling. You can disagree, you can argue. But if you stoop to name calling, that is when I call foul and send you both to neutral corners.

And all I was trying to do was watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!!!