Sooo It Happened Again.

Being a stay at home mom has some inherent BS that comes along with the title.  First and foremost is a feeling of complete and total disrespect from those that do not stay at home, would not stay at home, and think those of us that DO stay at home are lazy.  This happens more times than I care to even acknowledge.  It can come from other moms, from dads, husbands, neighbors, whomever.  It hurts, and I do not know if these people realize that how insulting they are being.

I get up between 5-6 every morning.  I start cleaning, making lunches for the kids, doing whatever household chores will need to get started.  I also make time to sit down and get online.  Yes, I really do.  Most of the rest of my day I will be chasing my toddler around while trying to clean my house, and teach her shapes and colors, cook for her, run errands, chauffer her sisters to and from school, etc.  So yes, I take some personal time and blog, check Facebook, whatever I want to do at O'dark thirty in the morning.

The rest of my day is centered around the tornado that is my toddler.  She does not like to nap, still nurses, and is a ball of energy.  I love her to the moon and back and would not trade a moment with her.  What I do trade is any sense of privacy, any hobby I had previously, any sense of freedom that I had without a toddler attached to my hip.  That is okay, I find my moments.  Yes, I wish they were longer and not at the ass crack of pre-dawn, but whatever.  I digress.

The last thing anyone in my life would call me is lazy.  I may take a lazy day on the weekend, or during the week and make up for it on the weekend, but I am one of the busiest people I know.  I manage my household.  I take the kids to school, pick them up, take care of any and all appointments that they need to be at.  I make their breakfasts and lunches, the hubby and I share dinner responsibilities.  We do not eat out.  I would say we have eaten out maybe 5 times in the last year...MAYBE.  We cook and eat at home.  It is time consuming, but it is our health we are talking about.

My house may not be IMMACULATE, but my mother in law tells me she has no idea how I keep up as much as I do and that she could not get done all that I do.  My friends tell me how clean and neat my house always is, and those two things together tell me I am doing a good job.  It may not meet everyone's standards, but have I mentioned the toddler that still nurses and does not nap??  Yeah, good luck....

My job is to manage a household.  My household runs relatively smoothly, without too many hiccups.  Sounds to me like I am a good manager....not a lazy, bon bon eating slug who sits around waiting for the house to clean itself. 

My 15 month old has an extensive vocabulary in both English and Spanish.  She knows sign language too.  She says please and thank you for everything.  Those things do not just happen.  Her stay at home mom makes them happen.  Could someone else teach my child these things, absolutely, but that would detract from our relationship, and bond her with someone else. 

I used to be a single, working mom, so please do not think I do not understand, I do.  I think it was easier then.  Yes, I said that.  I think it was easier for me then.  I cannot explain it, but I have other single Mom friends that have agreed with me, and others that think that statement is crazy.  But, I know I am not the only one who thinks it.

So the next time you see a stay at home mom and wonder what she does all day....smack yourself on the hand and give her a pat on the back for a job well done.

Interviewed For The Washington Post Magazine.

EXTRA! EXTRA!  READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!


I was recently interviewed by Janice D'Arcy for an article about the division of labor in parenting.  She wrote a fabulous 4 page article about co-parenting, and the division of labor in regards to raising children. 

My two cents amounted to this,

 “I think feminism is one of the worst things for women, because we had totally mastered Donna Reed, home cooking and taking care of the kids thing, and then we ventured out into the workplace, which is great and all, and sent the message that women can do it all,” says Jaime Vargas-Benitez, a mother of three in Alexandria. She says she tried that model in her first marriage, but the stress took too deep a toll. In her second marriage, she and her husband decided to revert to the traditional dynamic. “We made the necessary sacrifices so I could stay home. ... In terms of kids, the division of labor is 90 percent me and 10 percent my husband.” It is working so well, she says, that she looks around incredulously at others who are trying to reinvent the wheel.

 

 

For those of you that think I must be one heck of a moron for saying feminism is one of the worst things to have happened to women, let me explain.  I believe in moderation, in all things.  I believe that women can have it all, but that it takes a family, a village, to raise children.  My mom was a single mom for a good while, she also was remarried.  A single mom does not raise her child/children by herself.  Somewhere along the way those kids are interacting with others, teachers, day care providers, family, friends. 

 

I believe that feminism gave women the belief that they HAD to be able to do EVERYTHING by themselves.  It gave women the notion that they should be able to not only manage the household, but that they should also be able to do so while having a career.  More importantly, I believe feminism gave women the idea that they should be able to do all these things and not have to sacrifice in any field.  That women should be able to work all day, have a clean house, drive the kids to school, soccer practice, cook healthy dinners, and still have something left at the end of the day to be a sex kitten for their hubby.  Now, I don't know about anyone else but I was exhausted by just typing all that. 

 

I believe that one parent should be home, all the time.  I believe that whenever possible children should be with one or both of their parents.  Now of course there are always extenuating circumstances, I know that.  But ideally, kids need their parents, always. 

 

I believe that feminism made women feel like asking for help from their counterpart meant showing weakness, showing insecurity, when in reality it says, "Hey, we made this family together, so can you help a sister out with some laundry?!?!" 

 

THAT is my point.  Men and women should work together in the house and out.  In my case, my husband makes more than enough for me to stay home, so the predominance of the housework and child rearing falls on me.  I am VERY okay with that.  I just make sure that I have some outlet...hi, have we met, this is my outlet right here. 

 

There needs to be balance in any home, in any person's life, not just women.  I believe in equality, absolutely, but I do not believe that equality, true equality was the outcome of feminism.  I believe it tipped the scales to the extreme in our society.  It was a campfire that slowly burned out of control until it no longer served to keep the people by it warm, but made them run screaming to avoid getting burned. 

 

I welcome your opinions, and would love to hear what you have to say about the article....I think it is a great read!!!

 

 



When exactly did 9PM start feeling like midnight?!?

I just looked at the clock a minute ago...about 5 times.  It is only 9p.m. and yet my body says it feels like it is midnight.  I feel like I have been awake for days.  I got up around 4:30 this morning, maybe that has something to do with it.  Yes, I know, I was being sarcastic.

I have always been an early bird, never really a night owl.  But I used to be able to stay up until at least double digits without a problem.  Man, I really must be practicing my way to the early bird special at 4pm when I am 90 years old or something. 

So, our doctor appointment went pretty well.  Not sure how many of you have kids with reflux, but that is what the doctor thinks the issue is for my middle peanut.  He wants us to keep a food and symptom diary and keep track of everything she eats and drinks, and every time she complains of a stomach ache.  If we do not see significant improvement in a month, we take our log and go to the doctor. 

I hope that this is really simple.  I hope it is reflux and the solution is as easy as watching her diet and monitoring what she eats and how it affects her.  She complained about 1 1/2 hours after dinner tonight that her tummy hurt.  She ate a couple crackers and was fine.  I guess only time will tell.  She is excited about keeping the log, thank goodness!

If anyone has any experience with reflux in an older child I would appreciate some input, and if you are willing to answer some questions, I would really appreciate it!
Now, I think I am going to watch the most interesting thing I have seen all day, the backs of my eyelids. 

Am I Made Of Silly Putty?!?!

Today I feel like I am being pulled in 12 different directions.  We are down to one car, we have Christmas programs, Christmas shopping, moms coming in to town within the week, I have had to drive the kids to their dads and back (which is an 80 mile round trip venture), nursing a toddler, chasing a toddler, trying to clean the house, AAAAHHHHH!!!!

Today is one of those days that the Art of Being Mom looks like a Pablo Picasso painting on crack.  I am writing this while nursing the baby to sleep, talk about multi-tasking.  I have to go pick up Christmas cards, pick up the kids, pick up the hubby, dinner, get the kids dressed and ready for the Christmas program tonight, make myself presentable, toddler, hubby can definitely dress himself thank God. 

I just feel very stressed, and like I am unable to enjoy this time of year.  With all the running and chasing, and doing and going, I feel like I cannot even enjoy what this season is supposed to be about.  I need a break.  Maybe I need to just start earlier, like March.

I hate to sound like a BAH HUMBUG, but sometimes, that is how I feel.  Of course that all changes when I look at my kids and see how excited they are for Christmas to get here. 

Okay, baby asleep, check!  Now, to lay her down for a nap and grab a shower....I hope that smell isnt me, I am pretty sure it is the dog...another task for my ever growing TO DO LIST. 

I Sing Like Alicia Keys, And Look LIke Jennifer Aniston.

When my oldest child was a toddler she thought that Jennifer Aniston was me.  We would be in the grocery store and she would see a magazine cover with Jennifer on it, and she would start pointing and saying, "Mommy! Look, it's Mommy!"  People would oooh and ahhh over how cute it was.  I was incredibly flattered.  Well, today, her sister increased the ante.

On the way home from their dad's house we were listening to the radio and singing like we were on a stage in Madison Square Garden.  The new Alicia Keys song came on, "That Girl Is On Fire."  Well, we were giving it our best, and my 8 year old says to me, "Mommy, I cannot tell the difference between you and the singer!"  So, I have made a note to myself to get her hearing tested because obviously she cannot hear anymore.

No really, it was incredibly sweet.  Just as sweet as her blind sister that thought Jennifer Aniston was mommy oh so long ago.  The point here is this, my kids think I look and sound like beautiful, incredibly talented famous people.  Wait, no, that is not the point.  The point is that my girls look at me like the superstar in their lives.  Yes, that is my point.  It is an honor and a privilege to be their mother.  I love them so much.

Our kids hold us in the highest of regards.  They put us on a pedastel, and it is our job to earn that position.  We have to act like the people they perceive us to be.  Be the example of the person you wish to raise your child to be like.  Be there, listen, guide them, give them your time, your heart.  Let them know they too are the superstars in your life.  Teach them to sing out loud, heart and soul!

Attachment parenting

My mother and I were discussing attachment parenting today.  I would be considered an attachment parent.  She and I were discussing extreme behavior, after yesterdays tragedy it seems all people can discuss.  Anyway, I have a 15 month old, who still breastfeeds, who used to be in a carrier almost constantly, and who often finds her way into our bed.

My mom was recounting a story in which she heard of a mom who was breastfeeding her 4 year old, and who had all 4 of her children sleeping in bed with her and her husband.  In my opinion, this is more towards the extreme attachement parenting side of the scale.

My two older kids, 10 & 8 years old, sleep in their own rooms, in their own beds.  They were never big on co-sleeping because they move around a lot and they were not comfortable doing so.  This last little bit does not seem to have that issue.  That being said I am still working to get her into her own bed, why?  Because my hubby and I would ultimately like our bed back, and better sleep.  Sex can happen anywhere, we do not need our bed for that, but neither of us sleep as soundly when she is with us.  We are awakened by her frequently so it can be an issue.

I believe attachment parenting can be a great thing, when done with boundaries.  I do not believe it is healthy to have older children in the family bed.  I believe that people need some privacy, kids included.  I think that there needs to be some inner sense of independence.  I believe that constantly having someone on top of you leads to having issues with being alone.  I think that when kids do not learn how to occupy themselves ever, they can become needy and unable to function without someone else's input.

I wear my kids when they are infants, I breastfeed them until we both want to stop, and allow them in the bed when they really need it.  I also encourage independence, problem solving, and confidence every step of the way.  Attachment parenting is a balancing act, as is every type of parenting.  What works for some will not work for others.  We have to do what works for us and our children. 

I believe that we need to support one another in our efforts of raising good kids.  But in the same instance, we need to be open to someone questioning our practices.  If people do not ask, we do not have an opportunity to teach.  Do not become defensive when people question your methods, instead, look at it as an opportunity to open the eyes of someone to a potentially new and different way of doing something. 

Knowledge is power, and we all share in the ability to be teachers and students.  Instead of withdrawing we should bring all of our attributes to the table and share.  It takes a village to raise a child, and we all need to improve our villages!

The Barefoot Executive

Have you read this book? I just started it. I am digging it so far. I am feeling like Carrie and I have similar personalities. So hopefully I can gain some great direction.

Tell the truth or spare the feelings???

There is no easy way to parent effectively.  Parenting is a get your hands dirty, roll around in the mud kind of job.  Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe has NOTHING on being a parent day to day.  I often feel like I am playing tennis against MYSELF!  I have to be on both sides of the court, running back and forth, lobbing the ball, trying to win, but trying not to beat my own arse into the ground.  It is a balancing act of epic proportions.

Here is but a tiny example.  I am a room parent for my older daughter's class.  I volunteer in BOTH my girls' classes but I am official for my older daughter's class.  Well, the school is doing end of the year testing this week, Terra Nova testing.  My younger daughter is taking these tests for the first time, as they start in 2nd grade. 

My older daughter's class is having a party at the end, on Friday, to celebrate being done with these boring, hours and hours long tests all week.  My younger daughter caught wind of this party, and started asking her sister questions.  In her excitement, my older daughter laid it all out on the line, the sack races, hula hooping, sticker tattoos, music, snacks.  I could see my younger daughter's eyes about to pop out of her skull in sheer desire for everything her big sis was describing. 

And then it happens, the little one turns to me and asks, "How come my class isn't having a party?"  Like a deflated balloon zipping around the kitchen running out of air and screaching a high pitched squeal I fell apart. I hate having to disappoint any of my girls, but life happens. So I explained the logistics, and how she will have a party on some day that her sister won't....and blah blah blah.  She made me promise to be there...sure, no problem, DONE!  They are great kids with a ton of understanding, they make parenting a lot less messy.

Avoiding the Rut

Once a woman becomes a Mom it is way to easy to fall into the rut of comfy clothes.  Yoga pants, t-shirts, tennis shoes, etc. can become way too commonly worn every day wear.  My children are 9 years, 7 years, and 7 months old.  I wear high heels, dresses, wedges, flip flops too.  I don't wear make-up too often, but my 7 month old has a love of kissing my face, and I would rather have the lovies than to be wearing make-up.  I keep it simple and comfortable, but still fashionable. 
My husband tells me frequently that I look amazing, yes he is biased, that is why I married him.  I take about 30-40 minutes, including shower, to get ready.  I have to blow dry my hair or else it looks a hot mess.  But as far as clothes go, I am always looking for what is simple, cute, and looks great on me....regardless of the trends.  I know my body, and what compliments my assets...ba dum dum.  I keep in mind that I am a nursing mother, but that I am also not wanting my boobs just out there. It isn't all that difficult to be a Mom with an infant, who doesn't nap let's not forget that, two school age children, not a lot of time, and STILL look good. 
I would love to be able to help other Moms stay looking good and avoid the yoga pants rut.  I don't spend a lot, keep it simple, and ALWAYS stick with what I know looks good on my body type!

My High Needs Baby...

Yesterday was a trying day.  I was overcome by tears when after trying for 2 hours, I could not get my 7 month old to take a nap.  I was laying in my bed nursing her and searching on my phone for some answers.  I found a very interesting article that has made a world of difference in my mind. 

This article, "12 Features of a High Need Baby," changed my outlook.  My daughter is a sweet, loving, alert, attentive baby.  She sleeps well at night, waking a couple times to roll over and nurse but nothing major.  She does not nap during the day for more than 20 minutes unless on rare occassion.  This article gave me the reassurance that its okay that my child is the way she is.  It does not mean that I am not doing right by her, in fact the complete opposite, I am doing exactly what she needs.  She needs me. She is a high needs baby, and that is okay. 

She is perfect the way she is, and so am I.  We will do our best to work with her personality, and cater to what works for us and her.  I love my daughter, high needs, low maintainance, whatever personality type she has....but it felt very good to read a little reassuring article.  Thank you Dr. Sears.

Ever Wish Your Two Nostrils Would Cooperate???

We have been fighting a cold around this house for about a week or so now.  I am getting better, but back to the one open nostril, one closed nostril situation.  What is up with that?  Why does that happen?  Just how much snot can one nostril produce in one day???  Okay, okay, that was too much...lol..

The baby is finally napping.  I vacuumed the first level of stairs, cleaned the foyer, threw in laundry, showered, walked the dog this morning, and have done some dishes....I feel like I have sooo much more to do and yet feel like I have done so much already. 

I also wrote to the school regarding the Hunger Games issue.  Waiting to hear back on that one.  I need to dust, vacuum some more, fold more laundry, create a clone....haha...no really.

You know, often times stay at home Moms feel like the forgotten souls.  I know I struggle with feeling inadequate because I do not contribute financially to our household.  I feel a bit insecure when I think of being completely financially dependent on my hubby, and worry about the what ifs of my life.  But I could not, and would not, want to stick my baby in daycare to work.  I would love to work from home, but right now, with Gabs not napping reliably....well, I would need a good deal of flexibility.  I am pretty good with typing, so data entry would be great, if I could do it at my leisure, which is usually 4 am.  As Gabs gets older, I will be hunting more voraciously for something I can do from home, legitimately, and make a decent buck, or two.  Right now, here I am....doing what I can to take care of my family the best way I can. 

Doing a Happy Dance....

My little 6 month old doll baby is napping, in her own bed....praise God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, whomever the most high praise can be praised to.  She fell asleep under protest, at 9:35, and almost 2 hours later, she is still asleep.  I did some online research for vacay, some vacuuming, some laundry, some dishes, planned dinner, etc....and now just waiting for her to get up so we can go walking....get my exercise on for today.  It is a wonderful first day of Spring!!!!

Post baby bodies.

I am counting calories, walking, doing everything I can while nursing, in order to lose the last of the baby weight.  I am one of those Moms who does not lose massive poundage while nursing.  Much the opposite, I think my body tries to hold on to everything it can while I am nursing in order to ensure that it has enough.  I always have had over supply issues with every child, so obviously my body thinks it has it all figured out. 

Well, because of this, it is sometimes frustrating for me because I just have such a hard time getting back in to pre-pregnancy condition.  I know, things shift, bodies change, I have a gorgeous lil princess for it all...blah blah blah.  I get it, I love her to pieces, as I love my other two, and wouldn't trade any of them to get rid of the stretch marks I have.  That being said, I also wanna feel like I look like a hot mama.  Being told by other people is one thing, but I want to FEEL it inside my own self.  I wanna love the body I am in, and feel like I look beautiful and sexy. 

I do not want to be skinny, that isn't me.  But I want to be in great shape, and not feel flabby.  And while I continue to work on my image, I also make sure to always remind myself, that a Mommy body is much different than a teen body, or that of someone that has never had kids. 

I like this website The Shape of a Mother, because it shows real moms.  Not the Beyonce 2 month post baby photos we all secretly cringe at....the real deal.  Having a baby can be very traumatic on a body, and often it is never the same again.  The ideal is to create a new palate, an improved version, a body that you look at and smile.  That is my goal....to look at myself naked, and smile....my hubby does when he looks at me, and I want to also. 

Just another manic Monday, oh oh oh....wish it were a Sunday...

Oh ooh oooh....cause that's my fun day....okay, now that I have sufficiently gotten that song stuck in your heads as well as my own...my work here is done.  Well no not really.  Mondays aren't so bad, especially for a stay at home Mom, all the days kinda run together anyway. 

In a few weeks we are leaving for our family trip to Puerto Rico.  I am very excited and also a little nervous.  I know, what's to be nervous about traveling with three children, one of them being a six month old...lol.  Just wanna make sure we have everything, without being "those people," that have EVERYTHING...lists, its all about lists.  I feel like Spring Break Santa, have my list, checking it twice, gonna buy all our stuff at a nice sale price...LOL! 

So, on a totally different and random note, my oldest daughter pulled a tick off herself last night in the bathtub, off her tummy....UGH.  This is gonna be a long, paranoid tick season. 

FYI, Kohls is having an extra 20% off kids and baby sale today through Thursday, oh yes, I will be there....gotta make sure all my girlies have their Puerto Rico gear!!!

Off to do laundry, oooh ohh oh, just another manic Monday!!!

Cry It Out, Don't Cry It Out....What the heck is the answer....

My little Gabs does NOT like to nap.  She sleeps at night in our bed, and during the day I try and get her to nap in her bed.  She was rubbing her eyes, yawning, and rubbing her face into my chest, she is CLEARLY tired.  I laid her down in her bed, she starts SCREAMING.  I picked her up, laid down in our bed with her, and popped a boob in her mouth, she starts rolling around, still rubbing her eyes, but playing, not napping.   So, I laid her back in her bed.  She is starting her protest now. 

With my oldest daughter I did crying it out, it broke my heart, but after a week or so, she adjusted, and slept great from there on out.  BUT she didn't protest, ie scream, as much as Gabs....
With my second daughter, I didn't have this problem, she slept where ever, whenever...from the start. 
What is the answer....

Busy Baby = Busy Mom

It seems like forever since I blogged last, I was still pregnant, and now my lil peanut is almost 6 months old.  It has been a whirlwind of activity, excitement, stress...

Our little Gabs is a beautiful, precious gift, who is active, alert, and hates to nap....I mean come on, she might miss something!  So of course, what was the first thing to fall by the wayside....computer time.  I am ready to jump back in there, probably mostly early in the morning, and late at night...LOL...so I start babbling like a fool, it's most likely because I am tired. 

I hope you missed me while I was gone, more importantly I hope you are happy that I am back...

Working From Home...

Lately I have been on a mission, a mission to find a legitimate way to earn money from home.  There is so much out there, but so much of it is absolute crap.  How is someone to find a legitimate source for work at home work, that does NOT involve calling people and harrassing them at home.  I can't stand that done to me, so I certainly don't want to sign up to do it to others. 

I found a couple sources on Facebook, Adventures of Working At Home has been a great resource!!!  Another one I found on Facebook that seems to have a great wealth of information is Genuine Work At Home Advice.

These ladies seem to really have a great wealth of resources for those of us trying to crack into the working at home scene. 

I signed up to write articles for a text site, and also for a legitimate mystery shopping company.  I am just starting with both, so I will have to update with how they work out.  They seem pretty decent, as they both require tax forms for employment, and neither ask for money.  They have a process by which you actually get "hired,"  and each have an evaluation process by which they will let you know how you are doing as a worker.  So hopefully, I will soon be reporting great things.

Do any of you work at home?  What are your businesses?  How did you find yourself in the field you are currently in?  Are you happy?  Do you have any advice for the parents out there that want to be able to earn extra income while staying at home with the kiddos?  Please feel free to share your information and experiences here!!