One Grain of Sand at a Time....

I love this quote because I often try the whole life overhaul and when I fail I feel beat down. I cannot figure out why I cannot eat healthy, exercise every day, keep the house spotless, the kids eternally happy and cooperative, the spouse happy, and the dog adequately walked, while I myself look like I stepped out of a magazine every day.

I have much more success when I take on little changes and build from there. You know, like the pyramids. One block at a time, one grain of sand at a time if you need. You cannot make life sweeping changes that will stick, overnight. Be realistic in your expectations of yourself.

When we start the new year, which is soon again can you even believe it?!?! We claim that this year will be better, we will eat healthy, workout every day, be positive every day. We claim that we are going to be totally different than we have been in years past. Why? What is so bad about who you are that every time a new year rolls around you feel you need a complete overhaul? Yes, we should exercise regularly, yes we should eat healthy, yes we should do our best to maintain kindness towards others. But these things should not be part of an overhaul we need. I get it, we get addicted to junk food. I get it, we do not exercise because we are just too darn busy to fit it in. Those things are best added in small doses to ensure successfully sticking with them.

What is it in your life that you are so unhappy about? Is it your job? Is it the way you parent? Is the spouse you are to your partner? What are you so desperate to change about yourself, and why? Yes, change is possible, and probable if done correctly. But do not beat yourself up if you backslide, to err is human, remember. If you are unhappy with your job, do not quit until you have a new job. Do not come home and dump your angst on your spouse every day. Realize that you are where you are for a reason. Then, brainstorm with ways to change your situation. Share THAT with your spouse, he or she may be able to help you. Determine where your passion lies, and how you can get there. Share THAT with your spouse, he or she may be a valuable asset to you accomplishing your goal which will bring you closer together.

Are you in need of some parenting tweeks? Do you constantly yell at your kids, with no result, or even worse with the result that they just become upset? Maybe you should take a parenting class, there is no shame in learning new skills, it is for the sake of your children. Leave all pride at the door. Maybe you need to seek counseling for anger that is being focused on the children. Maybe that is how your parents treated you, stop and think how it made you feel about your parents, is that how you want your children to feel about you? Obviously not, if it is an overhaul you are trying to make.

Whatever changes you desire to make you need a plan of action, not just the notion that you need a change. You need to figure out what your end goal is, and formulate a plan on how to get from point A to point B. And then you need to come up with a contingency plan, because you will need one at some point. Next, be real with yourself, you may fail, several times. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Try as many times as it takes until you get it right. Make as many plans as you need.

Seek support from friends and family. These people are here to lift you up, to inspire you. Any one that tears  you down with criticism need not be in your circle. Surround yourself with the people that are where you want to be, and become the best student ever. Stop trying to pretend you have it all together, you do not. No one has it ALL together. We are human, and to err is human.

Once you have found the support you need for change, there is another step in that process. Be the support for someone else. One of the best ways of learning something is to teach it. When you have your basic foundation, start looking to help those around you. You will feel inspired within yourself to do more, change more, do better, stay on track. You will also be inspiring others to make small changes which lead to big changes in their own lives. How awesome will it feel when you have not only accomplished your own goals but been a support for someone else to accomplish their own, and for them to support someone, and so on and so forth.

Life Changer???

Everyone has someone in their life that has made a profound impact. But, have you ever been told by someone that YOU are that person for them? It feels good, but it also comes with a little pressure to always be that influence.

What do you do in your friend's and family's lives that make you the life changing impact? Do you offer unmatched emotional support and guidance? Do you provide a lifestyle that allows for your loved ones to never worry about finances? You know what you do? Just be yourself. You be your best self, and that is the impact the people in your life need. We are all drawn to one another for a reason, yes, nothing is coincidental. Being your best self allows for your true purpose to shine through to others. Either you will inspire them, or support them, or teach them something.

Everyone in this world has something to offer. And everyone in this world has something to learn, something to gain from others. This makes our relationships symbiotic, each one gaining and giving in return. Sometimes, these relationships may feel one-sided. That just means you have to look deeper for the lesson. You have to examine the relationship closer in order to see what is not on the surface.

Even the most selfish of people teaches us something, even if it is as simple as how we do NOT want to be in our lives. Learning what not to do is as important as learning what TO do. It is just a different way of learning. Each of us impacts the universe. When you come across someone in a foul mood, do you not find yourself reacting in a foul way, at least at first? That person's negative attitude is testing you. Either you will adopt their example and feed into their negativity, or you will rise above. Either way, you have just been taught a lesson.

The person that falls prey to the negative Nelly learns that negativity is contagious and beware the attitude you spread to others. The positive Polly learns it takes effort to stay positive even in the face of adversity, and to never take a positive frame of mind for granted.

Either way, invaluable lessons have been learned.

So I ask you, how are you going to impact those around you today???

Passion

Do you have passion in your life? Do you wake up every day unable to wait to start your day? Do you love what you do with your life? Do you feel fulfilled, motivated? If not, why?

It's easy to get lost in the minutiae of life. It is easy to lose yourself in mundane, every day tasks and forget that you are a miracle. We view our children as miracles, yet as we get older we forget that we were once those children. Our parents once viewed us the miracles in their lives, and they probably still do.

Do you view yourself as a miracle in your own life? I know I don't. I have a whole complex where I put other people's needs first and then wonder why my own needs are not being met. It's something I am working on. Do you make yourself your own first priority? Odds are I would bet you view your children as your first priority. But, if something happened to you, it would hit them i the most profound way possible. So do you not at least owe it to your children, and yourself, to make YOU your top priority. You are teaching them self-esteem, self-confidence and independence. You are showing them how to treat themselves. When your children see mommy or daddy taking care of themselves first, they learn they too have to care for themselves first and foremost.

This will help your children not find themselves in abusive relationships, co-dependent relationships, or unhappy situations in general. Your children will grow up loving themselves too much to allow anyone to take advantage of them, or treat them with disdain. Your children will see their own value, early on, and be able to confidently go into the world and know exactly what they want and how to get it.

All that simply by making YOU a priority. Is that not a powerful feeling? You have the capacity to change your own life, and your children's simply by taking the best care of YOU that you can. Why oh why do we all not jump on this bandwagon?!  Because we were taught somewhere along the way that this is selfish. We were convinced that selfish behavior is ALWAYS bad. There are some positive aspects to some selfish behavior.

Being selfish is okay when it does not come at the expense of others. You can have a spa day as long as your bills are paid, and your kids are cared for first. You can go on vacation as long as the mortgage payment is on time and you have food in the fridge. Your selfish behavior has to match what your abilities are first. If you can only swing a self-manicure due to money being tight because you are a one income family, then you find the joy in that. You allow yourself the pampering and care that your life can support.

If you cannot afford to join a gym, find some stairs to run up and down, do push-ups and crunches, or jump rope. But take care of yourself! We have to balance taking care of ourselves, and making ourselves our first priority with what we can realistically afford monetarily, emotionally and mentally.

The lessons your children will learn are invaluable, and all you have to do is make yourself your first priority. It is a win-win situation.

Just Keep Swimming, You Won't Drown.....

This is a great quote. I struggle with this sometimes. When I have several things going on that preoccupy my mind it is a struggle for me to stay positive. I know I should, but it is not easy.

How do you get back to the positive place once you recognize that some of the negative fear is really taking over. Do you pray? Do you meditate? Do you exercise the negativity away? I feel like the negative thoughts are the boogie man, and once he gets you there is a struggle to get away. I know, it sounds child-like, and maybe it is.

I need to find my antidote for the negative Nellies. I need to find what works for me to snap out of the negative and just stay positive. It's hard when there are several issues at once that you just cannot seem to shake, but it is doable. I have seen many a person with a lot more than myself to be negative about be positive. Maybe I need to pray more, meditate more, exercise more.....wait, let's not get crazy now.

Today I resolve to finding my happy place, hopefully it is close and I won't need directions. Today I resolve to not let the negative issues that swim in my head take over the whole pool, so that I will not drown. Today I resolve to be in a good place. Today I will give myself a break from the tough life issues that I have no control over anyway, and let go. Today, I give my worries, my fears and my pain, both physical and emotional over to God, the universe, Mother Nature, anyone and everyone that is a higher power than myself. Today, I acknowledge that life is bigger than me, and I am but a woman on a journey.

What are you going to do with your today?

A Delicate Balance....

I fully believe that this picture captures how most parents feel at any given moment of any given day.  Life can sometimes feel like this delicate balancing act, in which you are completely blindfolded. 

Juggling kids, work, home, marriage, health, play, etc., can be exhausting and we have not even finished the day yet.  I think it is important for people to realize that there are only so many hours in one day, and only so much that can be accomplished in that day.

I know many people that have a hard time asking for help, and yes, I am one of them.  It has always been a struggle for me to ask others for help in any way.  I always felt like I could just handle it, whatever "it" was.  Like the woman in this picture I felt as though I could just toss another ball in the juggle and keep on ballet dancing on down the tightrope.  Sometimes, we have those days where we can handle it all.  I have had days where I got multiple loads of laundry done, an almost gourmet dinner prepared, worked out, scrubbed half the house, and still managed to shower and look hot before hubby got home.  Then I have had those days where I wonder if I will manage to get out of my yoga pants before I have to pick up the kids from school, and better yet, wonder how much I care. 

Life ebbs and flows, and so do our bodies and our energies.  We have to learn to seize the moments when they hit, and not beat ourselves up when they leave.  Today has been one of those challenging days when I set out with my sights to conquer the world and now the day is almost gone and I feel like I hit about half the things on my list.  I sit in my bed with my laptop, and my sleeping toddler next to me, wondering if it is worth it to try and stay up long enough to do one more load of laundry.  I am already planning what I have to get started when I get up tomorrow at 5 A.M.  I have my mental list growing in my head. 

But will this keep me up tonight?  No, not at all.  I know that today I did my best with what I have.  I have a teething toddler, two school age kids, a husband who was home not feeling well, and myself having been up a great deal last night.  I walked the tightrope and juggled as much as I could today while ballet dancing blindfolded across the circus ring, and I am okay with that.  I will do it all again tomorrow, and dance blindfolded, juggling, and be okay with that load too. 

Super Mom

This term gets bantered about quite a bit.  I have been called Super Mom by my husband, family, and close friends.  At first it actually made me uncomfortable, like it was a standard that I felt was impossible.  I felt like if they think I am SuperMom then where is there to go from there.

 

I have come to terms with a similar term, Super Mom.  There is a difference.  SuperMom without the space is a super hero that does not exist.  This is an idealic persona that every mom strives to be, kind of like the Barbie doll of the mom world. 

On the other hand, Super Mom indicates a mom that is super.  A mom that is loved and appreciated by her family and friends.  A woman that is flawed, and makes mistakes, but still does her best to do what is right for her kids.  She is every mom that loves her kids, her husband, and herself.  She is every mom that works, stays at home, or works from home.  She is every mom that puts the needs of her family on the top of her priority list, and does what she needs to in order to raise good, contributing members of society.  She is real.

 

Being a SuperMom is like trying to be Batman, you can try but somewhere along the way the costume is going to get really hot and uncomfortable and you may not be able to get out of the Bat mobile very well.  And good luck fitting your groceries or soccer equipment in that thing.  At some point those moms that portray themselves as SuperMom have to come back to reality, and realize that they are Super Moms just like the rest of us doing our best. 

It is time we let go of unrealistic expectations and levels of performance that are just plain unattainable.  Do your best, that is all that anyone can do, their very best.  To continue to perpetuate a life in which we teach our kids there is no room for error is to err anyways.  We have to teach our children that is okay to screw up, we are human, it happens.  It is what you do with it that really matters.  Live life, learn lessons from your mistakes and others'.  Treat others the way you wish to be treated and you cannot go wrong.  

It is important for our children to see us fall every now and again so they can watch us pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and get back in the saddle.  They need to learn through example, and that example is always first and foremost their parents. 

So, I say, you can have the cape, the mobile, whatever super hero gadget or gizmo comes with the title.  You can have the super powers, including the x-ray vision.  You can keep the bat signal, the invisible plane, well wait, that would be really cool to have.  Especially with airlines charging so much to go anywhere nowadays.  Sorry, my train of thought derailed on me for a second there.  Anywho, keep your gadgets and gizmos, I will gladly keep my title of Super Mom over being SuperMom any and every day of the week.  I would rather be comfortable being me, flawed and imperfect, than to stress every day over trying to perpetuate a smoke screen of perfection.  It is far more fun and fulfilling this way in my opinion.   

The Barefoot Executive

Have you read this book? I just started it. I am digging it so far. I am feeling like Carrie and I have similar personalities. So hopefully I can gain some great direction.

Family Fun Night

              So last night was Family Fun Night at the girls' school. I took all three girls. The hubby stayed home, he wasn't feeling up to par, and had a really long day so I told him to just sit this one out and hang at home.  

Since coming to this school I have had a little bit of a hard time making friends.  I have made plenty of acquaintances, but real friends have been a little bit of an issue.  It's hard when you're coming into a group where most of the people have known each other for years, often the duration of the lives of their children.  Being the new Mom in town can make for a rough transition. 

Last night I talked to a few Moms that I see all the time, a few a rarely get a chance to speak with and even one or two that I have never met.  We were only there for a couple hours, but the girls had a blast, and I enjoyed the socializing.  I guess it was a success since my family had fun!

It did remind me though of how hard it has been to crack into this social scene.  It takes me right back to school when I would move and be the new kid.  It was so scary and intimidating to make new friends.  I am much more outgoing now than I was as a child and STILL it seems so frustrating.

Nevertheless, I had some great conversation last night, chatted up a friend about some fierce new shoes she was rockin', and the girls had a blast....so it was a success!

Personal Growth

We all have some part of ourselves that needs work, some sort of baggage.  Whether from our childhoods, a physical impairment, emotional one, etc.  Everyone has something.  When we find outselves in a relationship we have to look at that other person and ask, "Is there 'something' a thing I can live with forever?"  If the answer is yes, then we have a potential life long relationship.  If the answer is no, then there are some serious questions we need to ask ourselves about why we are with that person, and for how long we intend on wasting everyone's time. 

The thing about having personal issues is that whatever they are, the owner of the issues should be working on them.  Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was built!  I think it is very important that regardless of whatever issues we are willing to live with, we should all be striving to grow beyond those issues, with the help and support of our mate, family, friends. 

It is wonderful to accept people for who they are, it is vitally important, but it is equally important to be a support to them as they grow and learn more about themselves, life, human nature, whatever they need to learn about in order to grow. 

Life is about change, growth, learning.  Life is our teacher, and it is up to us to be the best students we can be.  Don't throw your education down the toilet by getting caught up in the baggage of your life, and not working on yourself every day. 

No one will treat you better than you treat yourself, that is my Dr. Philism of the day.  But it is true, if you treat yourself like you are a worthless piece of crap, why would anyone treat you any differently. 

Love yourself enough to find your self worth, and care for yourself like you would a newborn baby.  Don't neglect or abuse your body or your mind, they are the only ones you get in this lifetime, and they really need you to thrive. 

Black and white ensemble

A simple, cute black and white outfit.  Accessories can make a look come together completely.  I have to be careful with them due to my grabby 7 month old, but the bag, glasses, flip flops, and belt would still work for me.    Just one way a Mom can keep it cute, stylish, and STILL comfortable!!!

Avoiding the Rut

Once a woman becomes a Mom it is way to easy to fall into the rut of comfy clothes.  Yoga pants, t-shirts, tennis shoes, etc. can become way too commonly worn every day wear.  My children are 9 years, 7 years, and 7 months old.  I wear high heels, dresses, wedges, flip flops too.  I don't wear make-up too often, but my 7 month old has a love of kissing my face, and I would rather have the lovies than to be wearing make-up.  I keep it simple and comfortable, but still fashionable. 
My husband tells me frequently that I look amazing, yes he is biased, that is why I married him.  I take about 30-40 minutes, including shower, to get ready.  I have to blow dry my hair or else it looks a hot mess.  But as far as clothes go, I am always looking for what is simple, cute, and looks great on me....regardless of the trends.  I know my body, and what compliments my assets...ba dum dum.  I keep in mind that I am a nursing mother, but that I am also not wanting my boobs just out there. It isn't all that difficult to be a Mom with an infant, who doesn't nap let's not forget that, two school age children, not a lot of time, and STILL look good. 
I would love to be able to help other Moms stay looking good and avoid the yoga pants rut.  I don't spend a lot, keep it simple, and ALWAYS stick with what I know looks good on my body type!

My High Needs Baby...

Yesterday was a trying day.  I was overcome by tears when after trying for 2 hours, I could not get my 7 month old to take a nap.  I was laying in my bed nursing her and searching on my phone for some answers.  I found a very interesting article that has made a world of difference in my mind. 

This article, "12 Features of a High Need Baby," changed my outlook.  My daughter is a sweet, loving, alert, attentive baby.  She sleeps well at night, waking a couple times to roll over and nurse but nothing major.  She does not nap during the day for more than 20 minutes unless on rare occassion.  This article gave me the reassurance that its okay that my child is the way she is.  It does not mean that I am not doing right by her, in fact the complete opposite, I am doing exactly what she needs.  She needs me. She is a high needs baby, and that is okay. 

She is perfect the way she is, and so am I.  We will do our best to work with her personality, and cater to what works for us and her.  I love my daughter, high needs, low maintainance, whatever personality type she has....but it felt very good to read a little reassuring article.  Thank you Dr. Sears.

It's A Balancing Act...

Being a Mom, whether stay at home, work at home, work out of the home, etc. is a balancing act.  Finding a balance between being cooking, cleaning, parenting, and on and on is not an easy task.  It goes beyond time management, because you always have to be able to expect the unexpected.  Being pregnant right now also adds to the difficulty of balancing this act.  I am thankful to have a husband that works his hardest to be supportive, help me whenever he can, and takes care of our family financially....taking one ball out of my juggling act.  I was a single Mom for a couple years.  It was so hard, but it was doable.  I worked at a private preschool and had my kids there with me in some way, whether it was before and after care or their preschool year.  To me it was more important to be there with them physically, then to try and make more money working longer hours somewhere else.  I didn't make a lot of money, but I had more opportunity to be with my children than any other single, working Mom I know.
Having run the gamut, stay at home Mom, working Mom, and single working Mom, I will say, love being a stay at home Mom the most.  Not because I feel it is the easiest, because honestly, it isn't.  There is a whole emotional, psychological fear that can come with staying at home.  You have to work through the idea that if, God forbid, something happens to your hubby, you may be in a really tough spot, and you are totally reliant on your spouse, financially.  It is an adjustment....and of course, there is also the stigma from society that stay at home Moms are all sitting around like the various casts of The Real Housewives of WHEREVER.  My days are pretty full, some more than others, some totally over-flowing.  I do my best to keep the balance between being Mom, Wife, Homemaker, and just plain ME!  One thing I learned the first time around being a stay at home Mom was NOT to lose ME in the process. 
Don't ever lose who I AM while finding my way through this life....that goes for everybody!

Moving Past A Troubled Childhood....

I found this article through CNN, and found it really interesting.  I had a troubled childhood, went through years of therapy.  Reading this article made me smile, as many of the tips resonated with me. 

7 tips for moving past a rotten childhood

By Tracy McMillan, Oprah.com

April 13, 2011 9:56 a.m. EDT

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• In order for your life to change, you have to want things to be different, author says
• Think of every dollar you save as a step away from people and places that have kept you down
• Channeling your anger will get you a long, long way in life, author says

RELATED TOPICS

• Self-Help
• Culture and Lifestyle

(Oprah.com) -- Author Tracy McMillan knows a thing or two about getting over a bad childhood. Her father was a drug-dealing pimp and convicted felon who spent most of his daughter's life behind bars. Her prostitute mother gave her away.
Here's what she wants you to know about getting over your past.
1. Get a new story
There are two ways for me to look at my childhood story. In one, I'm a person who is so unloved and unwanted, my own mother gave me away.
In the other, I was born, took a look around at my prostitute mother and criminal father, and said to myself, "I can totally do better than this. Get your stuff, we're leaving." In one I'm a victim, in the other, I'm in power.
Guess which viewpoint got me the career I have today?
Oprah.com: The man who got away (thank goodness!)
2. Realize blame = same
Blame is awesome. It feels good, right? It feels righteous. It feels powerful. It feels like someone's going to pay for what they did to you.
The only problem is -- as long as you're blaming -- nothing can ever change. Why? Because in order for your life to change, you have to want things to be different.
And if it feels good to blame, you have to admit that you like it. And if you like it, you have to admit that you don't really want it to change. Which is why blame just gets you more of the same.
3. Pretend you work at a retail store
Sometimes, I look at my bad childhood like it's an unruly customer and I'm working customer service the day after Christmas. It'll be acting up, moaning and complaining about how hard everything is, and how unfair it all is.
I just have to say to it, "Yes, I see you, ma'am. I know you have a problem. But right now I'm busy, so please have a seat. I''ll be with you just as soon as I can."
Then I do something productive that will actually change my situation, like go to work.
Oprah.com: 18 habits from childhood that affect your relationships now
4. Accept the fact that some don't really want you to succeed
This sounds harsh, and it is. But it's true.
Some of your family and friends "support" you by cosigning all your b.s. about how hard you have it, because if you succeed, two things will happen:
1) You will leave. And 2) They will be left behind.
This doesn't mean you have to get rid of your friends and family, you just have to remember that they love you so much, they're perfectly happy for you to stay exactly where you are right now.
5. Decide to KSA (Kick some ass)
When my 13-year-old said he hated science class, I told him that getting a 95 on the test was the equivalent of getting in the face of his least favorite teacher and saying, "Have some!"
In other words, kicking ass on the test is just like playing a video game. Needless to say, he's getting As now. Channeling your anger will get you a long, long way in life.
Oprah.com: 10 life lessons you should unlearn
6. Hoard your money
The number one way to end your bad childhood is to save money. I have a very simple rule about money: If I never spend everything I make, I will always have money. And money is power.
All those commercials you see are a big, rich company's attempt to get you to give them your power. Don't do it! Think of every dollar you save as one step away from the people and places that have kept you down.
7. Get a paper route
In fifth grade, I wanted a 10-speed bike like all the other kids had. So I started delivering papers when I was 11. In Minnesota. In the winter.
Compared to that, every job I've had since has been easy. While there may not be papers to deliver in the snow, the point is to do the thing you don't want to do.
Get a hard/crappy job and do it until the voices in your head stop telling you that you can't take it another minute. Everything after that will be cake, and your bad childhood will be over. I promise.
Oprah.com: Tracy McMillan's secret for getting over a bad breakup

Tracy McMillan is a film and television writer, most recently on AMC's "Mad Men." Her memoir, "I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway" is a comic, tragic, unflinchingly real, and ultimately victorious true story of how one woman learned to love herself no matter what.