Over Extended

You know, there is a stigma that stay at home Moms are lazy.  That we sit around all day Facebooking and blogging, neglecting our homes and our kids....hey wait, where't the baby???  KIDDING!  She's NURSING!  That is how I have a moment to blog. Anywho, I digress...

Do any of you stay at home Moms have issues with over extending yourself, mostly out of combatting the stigma of being thought of as lazy??  Do you sign up to do every party, bake every snack, contribute to every art project your kids have going on because you, "are home" and "have the time" to do everything under the sun?!?!  This is an affliction, I recognize this, and I quite frankly have this affliction myself. 

This week I have two class picnics to attend and contribute either snacks, toys, tent, or time too...if not all of the above.  I have to schedule a dr appt for the baby, I have to take my car in to be tuned up, I have dinner to cook, lunches to make, breakfasts, a house to keep clean, a dog to walk and pay attention to, and the baby...God bless her soul, my sweet baby who keeps me on my toes every second of the day that she is NOT nursing, or eating somehow.

I have a very busy life, and yet, I often feel like I could be doing more...not sure when I think this should be happening, but I do know it's all psychological.  I would go to counseling for it, but who has the freaking time?!?!

So I will continue to keep doing everything I can for the kiddos, and you know what, in the long run....they will look back and appreciate that they could always count on Mom to be there....even if it was just to bake some goodies.  They will look at their childhoods and recall me juggling everything I could just to make sure they know I love, support, and will be there for them as much as I can. 

That makes it all worth it. 

Okay, time's up, gotta run....

Arrogance VS. Confidence

There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence.  How we define that line is a bit muddied, and how we keep our kids on the right side of that line can sometimes be difficult.  I think it is important to keep kids humble, but still proud of themselves.  They should know their shortcomings, but more so know and be proud of their strengths. 

My oldest daughter has ears that stick out, straight out.  She is well aware of this, we have discussed it in great length.  It is how God made her, how she was intended to be, and what gives her a uniqueness.  She is comfortable in her own body, and thus, when anyone says anything about her ears her response is usually, "Yes, I have big ears, and what?"  She makes it a non-issue.  That takes the helium out of any potential bully's balloon, really fast!  She has taken control of something that could otherwise bring her some grief in her life.  Instead of hiding them, having surgery, or whatever else, I taught her to embrace them, but never become arrogant about it.  She doesn't make fun of anyone else proverbial big ears, she treats people as she wishes to be treated. 

I was born with a birth defect leaving me missing one finger on each hand.  I was ridiculed as a child.  I did not know which way to turn.  I internalized every comment anyone made.  I grew up fearful, self loathing, and very sad.  There is absolutely no reason that anyone should grow up that way, especially in this day and age of technology. 

I raise my kids by the Golden Rule.  Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done Unto You.  I do not buy into that, "boys will be boys," or "girls will be girls" crap.  No, human beings will be human beings.  I teach my girls not only how to treat people, but also, how to handle the treatment that may be put unto them.  I am well aware of how things can affect the psyche of young girls, been there done that.  So I take an active role in making sure that these girls do not internalize things the way I did. 

As I said in the beginning, there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence.  It is a balancing act, constantly, with no net.  The moment our confidence makes someone else feel poorly about themselves, the line has been crossed and we are now walking through the arrogance field. 

Take care in teaching our children how to be in our society today.  Take care of their mental well being, their emotional well being, but still teach them inner strength.  Let them know about our own internal struggles, it helps them feel more attached to us, and to open up a little more.  My girls have seen me cry, have heard me yell, but most of all, have seen me smile and laugh through it all.  Be human in front of our children, so they learn how to be human in such an inhumane world.

Family Fun Night

              So last night was Family Fun Night at the girls' school. I took all three girls. The hubby stayed home, he wasn't feeling up to par, and had a really long day so I told him to just sit this one out and hang at home.  

Since coming to this school I have had a little bit of a hard time making friends.  I have made plenty of acquaintances, but real friends have been a little bit of an issue.  It's hard when you're coming into a group where most of the people have known each other for years, often the duration of the lives of their children.  Being the new Mom in town can make for a rough transition. 

Last night I talked to a few Moms that I see all the time, a few a rarely get a chance to speak with and even one or two that I have never met.  We were only there for a couple hours, but the girls had a blast, and I enjoyed the socializing.  I guess it was a success since my family had fun!

It did remind me though of how hard it has been to crack into this social scene.  It takes me right back to school when I would move and be the new kid.  It was so scary and intimidating to make new friends.  I am much more outgoing now than I was as a child and STILL it seems so frustrating.

Nevertheless, I had some great conversation last night, chatted up a friend about some fierce new shoes she was rockin', and the girls had a blast....so it was a success!

Personal Growth

We all have some part of ourselves that needs work, some sort of baggage.  Whether from our childhoods, a physical impairment, emotional one, etc.  Everyone has something.  When we find outselves in a relationship we have to look at that other person and ask, "Is there 'something' a thing I can live with forever?"  If the answer is yes, then we have a potential life long relationship.  If the answer is no, then there are some serious questions we need to ask ourselves about why we are with that person, and for how long we intend on wasting everyone's time. 

The thing about having personal issues is that whatever they are, the owner of the issues should be working on them.  Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was built!  I think it is very important that regardless of whatever issues we are willing to live with, we should all be striving to grow beyond those issues, with the help and support of our mate, family, friends. 

It is wonderful to accept people for who they are, it is vitally important, but it is equally important to be a support to them as they grow and learn more about themselves, life, human nature, whatever they need to learn about in order to grow. 

Life is about change, growth, learning.  Life is our teacher, and it is up to us to be the best students we can be.  Don't throw your education down the toilet by getting caught up in the baggage of your life, and not working on yourself every day. 

No one will treat you better than you treat yourself, that is my Dr. Philism of the day.  But it is true, if you treat yourself like you are a worthless piece of crap, why would anyone treat you any differently. 

Love yourself enough to find your self worth, and care for yourself like you would a newborn baby.  Don't neglect or abuse your body or your mind, they are the only ones you get in this lifetime, and they really need you to thrive. 

Support Groups for Kids

Have you ever thought, gosh my kid needs a support group for _______.  When I got divorced I thought maybe I would need to find some outlet, some group, some something for my girls to be able to handle the breaking apart of their family.  Thankfully, they were able handle things pretty well.  They were fairly young, 5 &3 when we separated.  It was hard, but manageable.  In the end, they are happier and healthier mentally for it.  We have both moved on and remarried, and had more kids.  The girls are surrounded by people who love them, and thrive in sharing their love with us all as well.

It is not this easy for many children of divorce.  There have been times that things between myself and my ex got ugly, there will be more times too, I am almost certain.  But for the most part we both do a good job of not letting the kids be hit by it.  We keep it between ourselves, and put on the good ole happy face in front of the children. 

The thing I struggle with the most is that my girls have had to pay the biggest consequences for our choices.  I will probably struggle with that until the day I die.  I accept it, but I cannot help sometimes to feel that twinge of guilt over it.  I just thank God that they are happy, healthy, well adjusted girls.  I love them with all my heart, and want the very best for them, for us all. 

Children need an outlet for their feelings.  Whether we involve them in sports, arts, church, therapy, etc.  They, just like we adults, need a niche in their world that is for them.  A place where they can just be themselves, and be accepted and nurtured for who they are, outside of the home.  Whether the child is a brainiac, or a jock, an artist, or a poet.  Everyone needs a place to express themselves freely, openly, and without ridicule. 

Every child needs love.

It's A Balancing Act...

Being a Mom, whether stay at home, work at home, work out of the home, etc. is a balancing act.  Finding a balance between being cooking, cleaning, parenting, and on and on is not an easy task.  It goes beyond time management, because you always have to be able to expect the unexpected.  Being pregnant right now also adds to the difficulty of balancing this act.  I am thankful to have a husband that works his hardest to be supportive, help me whenever he can, and takes care of our family financially....taking one ball out of my juggling act.  I was a single Mom for a couple years.  It was so hard, but it was doable.  I worked at a private preschool and had my kids there with me in some way, whether it was before and after care or their preschool year.  To me it was more important to be there with them physically, then to try and make more money working longer hours somewhere else.  I didn't make a lot of money, but I had more opportunity to be with my children than any other single, working Mom I know.
Having run the gamut, stay at home Mom, working Mom, and single working Mom, I will say, love being a stay at home Mom the most.  Not because I feel it is the easiest, because honestly, it isn't.  There is a whole emotional, psychological fear that can come with staying at home.  You have to work through the idea that if, God forbid, something happens to your hubby, you may be in a really tough spot, and you are totally reliant on your spouse, financially.  It is an adjustment....and of course, there is also the stigma from society that stay at home Moms are all sitting around like the various casts of The Real Housewives of WHEREVER.  My days are pretty full, some more than others, some totally over-flowing.  I do my best to keep the balance between being Mom, Wife, Homemaker, and just plain ME!  One thing I learned the first time around being a stay at home Mom was NOT to lose ME in the process. 
Don't ever lose who I AM while finding my way through this life....that goes for everybody!