A Delicate Balance....

I fully believe that this picture captures how most parents feel at any given moment of any given day.  Life can sometimes feel like this delicate balancing act, in which you are completely blindfolded. 

Juggling kids, work, home, marriage, health, play, etc., can be exhausting and we have not even finished the day yet.  I think it is important for people to realize that there are only so many hours in one day, and only so much that can be accomplished in that day.

I know many people that have a hard time asking for help, and yes, I am one of them.  It has always been a struggle for me to ask others for help in any way.  I always felt like I could just handle it, whatever "it" was.  Like the woman in this picture I felt as though I could just toss another ball in the juggle and keep on ballet dancing on down the tightrope.  Sometimes, we have those days where we can handle it all.  I have had days where I got multiple loads of laundry done, an almost gourmet dinner prepared, worked out, scrubbed half the house, and still managed to shower and look hot before hubby got home.  Then I have had those days where I wonder if I will manage to get out of my yoga pants before I have to pick up the kids from school, and better yet, wonder how much I care. 

Life ebbs and flows, and so do our bodies and our energies.  We have to learn to seize the moments when they hit, and not beat ourselves up when they leave.  Today has been one of those challenging days when I set out with my sights to conquer the world and now the day is almost gone and I feel like I hit about half the things on my list.  I sit in my bed with my laptop, and my sleeping toddler next to me, wondering if it is worth it to try and stay up long enough to do one more load of laundry.  I am already planning what I have to get started when I get up tomorrow at 5 A.M.  I have my mental list growing in my head. 

But will this keep me up tonight?  No, not at all.  I know that today I did my best with what I have.  I have a teething toddler, two school age kids, a husband who was home not feeling well, and myself having been up a great deal last night.  I walked the tightrope and juggled as much as I could today while ballet dancing blindfolded across the circus ring, and I am okay with that.  I will do it all again tomorrow, and dance blindfolded, juggling, and be okay with that load too. 

The Lament of the Stay at Home Mom (or Dad)

I was just thinking about the way stay at home parents are regarded in society.  I feel like because I am at home people think that I have more time in my day than anyone else.  No, I still have the same seconds, minutes, and hours as anyone.  I just have several different types of activities I have to cram into that time efficiently.

I hear it all over the place, "Well, since you stay at home, you can do...." and, "It must be nice to be at home and not have to work."  Or one of my favorites, "I wish I could stay at home and do nothing."  Yes, me too.  Well, actually I do not wish to do nothing, that would be a lonely and boring existence.  I have to say though, my days are full.  I have two kids in school, and I try to volunteer there as often as possible.  I have a toddler at home who does not nap much, so she is with me almost all day.  She is precocious, and adorable, and active.  My day is full just with taking care of her, feeding her, nursing her, teaching her, molding her into a good and decent human being. 

That does not account for the time I spend with the admittedly neglected dog.  He is now acting like a toddler because he sees that type of behavior gets everyone's attention.  I am currently trying to communicate to him that he is not cute enough to get away with it, a point on which we do not see eye to eye.

Then there is the housework that I desperately try to stay on top of, and sometimes I succeed with flying colors, and other times I crash and burn.  There are the errands, school projects, chauffering the kids to their Dad's house and back on the weekends. 

I know some of you are saying, "Yeah well I do all that and I have a full time job."  To that I say, somewhere, somehow, someone is picking up some part of your life.  Whether it is childcare taking care of your child all day, a maid coming to help with housework, eating out more often because you are too tired to cook dinner.  Whatever it is, I say, there is a HUGE difference. 

I put a lot on myself, my husband will be the first one to tell anyone that.  I often feel like a huge financial burden, having to ask for money for things, when I used to be a single working mom I was the bank.  I controlled all income and spending.  I do not wish to control everything now, but I feel like I traded a piece of my independence to be at home.

So how did I conbat that?  I started a home business...go ahead, get the giggles out...I am currently an Independent Consultant for Arbonne, which is an amazing company with great products.  But my problem is finding the time, support, and did I mention time in which to do what I want with my fledgling business.  This company has amazing perks, products, and people.  I want nothing more than to make my business wildly successful.  But I cannot devote the time that I need to, why?  Because I will not allow myself to take that time from my family.  That is why.  That is it in a nutshell.  I will work around it as best I can until the baby gets older and I can devote more time to running a business. 

Stay at home parents often get a raw deal.  People have a tendancy to look down on us, like we are just lounging around doing nothing all day in the lap of luxury.  When in reality, sometimes I feel like I work in a sweat shop....but I would not trade it for the world.  I love my family, and all I really want is there unconditional love and acceptance in return. 

Co-sleeping....

What we do with our 15 month old is what I call modified co-sleeping.  She naps every day in her own bed.  At night she sleeps mostly in our bed.  Last night she slept the whole night in our bed.  After the happenings of yesterday I needed the extra snuggle of my littlest angel.  I just had to listen to her breathing, see her chest moving up and down while she slept, just know that she was okay lying there next to me. 

Typically, she wakes up frequently.  She wakes up every 1-2 hours.  I start her off in her bed, and then at some point I move her to our bed so that she can continue to nurse and I can get some sleep.  I love her snuggly little self, but I also love having my spot back in the bed.  It's a tug of war every night.  At first I was being given greatly divided advice on co-sleeping.  I turned to Dr. Sears for information.   Upon reading the information I was so happy that I am NOT in fact screwing my child up forever.  I am NOT going to smother her, thank God.  She will actually be perfectly happy and healthy. 

That being said, I am working on getting her out of my bed.  Why?  Well, as I mentioned before I am not getting as good sleep as I was before her.  I have about half the space in the bed, which leads to me being awakened mroe frequently.  I have sleep issues to begin with so this is just adding to my sleep deprivation. 

I stay at home, and thus, am with my little one all day.  So being all day, and all night, I am having a little trouble with not having any time that is alone time.  Not that I would be alone, my hubby is in the bed too.  But I need to feel like I am not constantly in Mommy mode, even if I am.  It's psychological really.  But it is my reason and therefor valid enough. 

So there are benefits to co-sleeping.  Better sleep for parent and baby (I am the odd mommy out in this one apparently), better physiology for baby, decrease in SIDS, and better emotional health.  No one says co-sleeping is necessary for a well developed child.  But co-sleeping is certainly not detrimental to a baby's health and well being.

Co-sleeping is a personal, parenting choice.  I choose to do modified co-sleeping, and that works for our family.