What we do with our 15 month old is what I call modified co-sleeping. She naps every day in her own bed. At night she sleeps mostly in our bed. Last night she slept the whole night in our bed. After the happenings of yesterday I needed the extra snuggle of my littlest angel. I just had to listen to her breathing, see her chest moving up and down while she slept, just know that she was okay lying there next to me.
Typically, she wakes up frequently. She wakes up every 1-2 hours. I start her off in her bed, and then at some point I move her to our bed so that she can continue to nurse and I can get some sleep. I love her snuggly little self, but I also love having my spot back in the bed. It's a tug of war every night. At first I was being given greatly divided advice on co-sleeping. I turned to Dr. Sears for information. Upon reading the information I was so happy that I am NOT in fact screwing my child up forever. I am NOT going to smother her, thank God. She will actually be perfectly happy and healthy.
That being said, I am working on getting her out of my bed. Why? Well, as I mentioned before I am not getting as good sleep as I was before her. I have about half the space in the bed, which leads to me being awakened mroe frequently. I have sleep issues to begin with so this is just adding to my sleep deprivation.
I stay at home, and thus, am with my little one all day. So being all day, and all night, I am having a little trouble with not having any time that is alone time. Not that I would be alone, my hubby is in the bed too. But I need to feel like I am not constantly in Mommy mode, even if I am. It's psychological really. But it is my reason and therefor valid enough.
So there are benefits to co-sleeping. Better sleep for parent and baby (I am the odd mommy out in this one apparently), better physiology for baby, decrease in SIDS, and better emotional health. No one says co-sleeping is necessary for a well developed child. But co-sleeping is certainly not detrimental to a baby's health and well being.
Co-sleeping is a personal, parenting choice. I choose to do modified co-sleeping, and that works for our family.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Attachment parenting
My mom was recounting a story in which she heard of a mom who was breastfeeding her 4 year old, and who had all 4 of her children sleeping in bed with her and her husband. In my opinion, this is more towards the extreme attachement parenting side of the scale.
My two older kids, 10 & 8 years old, sleep in their own rooms, in their own beds. They were never big on co-sleeping because they move around a lot and they were not comfortable doing so. This last little bit does not seem to have that issue. That being said I am still working to get her into her own bed, why? Because my hubby and I would ultimately like our bed back, and better sleep. Sex can happen anywhere, we do not need our bed for that, but neither of us sleep as soundly when she is with us. We are awakened by her frequently so it can be an issue.
I believe attachment parenting can be a great thing, when done with boundaries. I do not believe it is healthy to have older children in the family bed. I believe that people need some privacy, kids included. I think that there needs to be some inner sense of independence. I believe that constantly having someone on top of you leads to having issues with being alone. I think that when kids do not learn how to occupy themselves ever, they can become needy and unable to function without someone else's input.
I wear my kids when they are infants, I breastfeed them until we both want to stop, and allow them in the bed when they really need it. I also encourage independence, problem solving, and confidence every step of the way. Attachment parenting is a balancing act, as is every type of parenting. What works for some will not work for others. We have to do what works for us and our children.
I believe that we need to support one another in our efforts of raising good kids. But in the same instance, we need to be open to someone questioning our practices. If people do not ask, we do not have an opportunity to teach. Do not become defensive when people question your methods, instead, look at it as an opportunity to open the eyes of someone to a potentially new and different way of doing something.
Knowledge is power, and we all share in the ability to be teachers and students. Instead of withdrawing we should bring all of our attributes to the table and share. It takes a village to raise a child, and we all need to improve our villages!
Gun Control???
In the wake of the events in Connecticut yesterday many people are discussing our need for stricter gun control laws, but some are calling for LESS gun control. I am respectful of EVERYONE'S opinion, but I completely disagree with this thinking. I do not think that teachers should be able to carry a concealed weapon inside a school.
I do not think ANYONE should be allowed to carry any weapon inside of a school.
The fact of the matter is this, there will be tragedy in our society. The immediate gut reaction may be, "well if I was there and had been able to carry a concealed weapon, I would have shot him." Unless you are in that exact situation with those exact circumstances, you have no idea what you would actually do.
So are we supposed to allow teachers to carry weapons and just think that is not going to scare the hell out of the children? What about the percentages of accidental weapon firings? Are we going to be okay with that happening in a school? What about kids that may find a weapon that is not concealed properly enough, because kids are curious and will seek to play with things that they find.
I think allowing any type of fire arms inside any school is asking for more trouble than it would potential diminish. The right to bare arms was not designed for dealing with crazy weapons wielding people inside an elementary school. Our forefathers could not have conceived of this type of action. This did not happen then.
I understand the anger and frustration driving this thinking. I understand being completely disturbed by these events to the point of wanting to physically harm the person who did this, regardless of whether or not he is already dead.
I think we need to focus on WHY these people are doing these horrible things. What is the mental capacity of these people, and what is the responsibility of their friends and family to report anyone with this severity of mental illness. I cannot imagine that this person was NOT mentally ill. In order to walk into a school that his mother used to work in, and shoot innocent children, he HAS to be mentally ill. Where was his family in this? Where was his village of support? THIS is where we have to combat these tragedies.
We need to ENFORCE the gun laws we have set in place. Mentally ill people should never, ever have access legally to weapons. We have laws regarding this and they often go uninforced. Yes, there are other ways to get weapons, but if we make it as difficult as possible we increase our chances that some how this person will screw up their plan enough that someone will notice, and report them BEFOREHAND.
I believe we need to protect our children above anything, but I do not agree that allowing teachers and staff to carry concealed weapons is the answer to this problem. I believe it would further the problem even more. Go hug your babies, and tell them you love them, because they cannot hear it often enough.
I do not think ANYONE should be allowed to carry any weapon inside of a school.
The fact of the matter is this, there will be tragedy in our society. The immediate gut reaction may be, "well if I was there and had been able to carry a concealed weapon, I would have shot him." Unless you are in that exact situation with those exact circumstances, you have no idea what you would actually do.
So are we supposed to allow teachers to carry weapons and just think that is not going to scare the hell out of the children? What about the percentages of accidental weapon firings? Are we going to be okay with that happening in a school? What about kids that may find a weapon that is not concealed properly enough, because kids are curious and will seek to play with things that they find.
I think allowing any type of fire arms inside any school is asking for more trouble than it would potential diminish. The right to bare arms was not designed for dealing with crazy weapons wielding people inside an elementary school. Our forefathers could not have conceived of this type of action. This did not happen then.
I understand the anger and frustration driving this thinking. I understand being completely disturbed by these events to the point of wanting to physically harm the person who did this, regardless of whether or not he is already dead.
I think we need to focus on WHY these people are doing these horrible things. What is the mental capacity of these people, and what is the responsibility of their friends and family to report anyone with this severity of mental illness. I cannot imagine that this person was NOT mentally ill. In order to walk into a school that his mother used to work in, and shoot innocent children, he HAS to be mentally ill. Where was his family in this? Where was his village of support? THIS is where we have to combat these tragedies.
We need to ENFORCE the gun laws we have set in place. Mentally ill people should never, ever have access legally to weapons. We have laws regarding this and they often go uninforced. Yes, there are other ways to get weapons, but if we make it as difficult as possible we increase our chances that some how this person will screw up their plan enough that someone will notice, and report them BEFOREHAND.
I believe we need to protect our children above anything, but I do not agree that allowing teachers and staff to carry concealed weapons is the answer to this problem. I believe it would further the problem even more. Go hug your babies, and tell them you love them, because they cannot hear it often enough.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Explaining to the Kids...
When I picked my kids up from school today I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew they were okay, obviously, but just seeing them made my heart finally relax. I cannot fathom being a parent and receiving a phone call that there has been an emergency at my kids' school, only to get there and get the news that my child has been shot. Not just any old emergency, but my ELEMENTARY school child has been shot, and is dead. This is not within the realm of my reality. I cannot even imagine.
I had to drive my girls to their father's house for the weekend. We usually hit really bad traffic on the way down, it's northern Virginia the only traffic we have is BAD traffic. I told them that something sad and tragic happened today. I explained the events of the shooting. They were quiet. My 10 year old said how said it was that the children died, and how scared everyone must have been. My 8 year old took it to a whole other level.
My precious, loving, caring little 8 year old baby said, "Hmm, right before Christmas. Those poor people. I bet those parents have bought Christmas presents for their kids, what are they supposed to do this Christmas without their kids?" I was a weeping mess by the time she said Christmas the first time. I had not yet let my brain wander to that thought, that harsh reality. I had not even given consideration to the idea of these families missing the most important part of Christmas...the children.
My daughter then proceeded to say a Hail Mary and an Our Father for the kids that were lost, and all the people affected by this horror. Her sister said it with her, and so did I, but it was her idea. She is the most caring, affectionate child. She wants attention more than any toy on the market. She wants acceptance more than any video game. She wants everyone in her world to be happy more than she wants any material possession.
Telling our kids about this tragedy is important, depending on the age of our children. Mine are old enough to need to have this explained. They watch the news sometimes, they read things, they pay attention to what goes on in the world. I kept my explanation simple, stright forward, and age appropriate. That is the best advice I have.
They need to understand, but they need to have it in a perspective that they can grasp at their age. They need to know they are safe and sound, and that we will do everything we can to protect them from the cold, sometimes cruel world.
So when you talk to your kids about this or any other life event, keep it simple, to the point, and age appropriate. Give them no more information than what they need to understand the basic information. They have an entire lifetime to be jaded by reality, save as much innocence as we can for now.
I had to drive my girls to their father's house for the weekend. We usually hit really bad traffic on the way down, it's northern Virginia the only traffic we have is BAD traffic. I told them that something sad and tragic happened today. I explained the events of the shooting. They were quiet. My 10 year old said how said it was that the children died, and how scared everyone must have been. My 8 year old took it to a whole other level.
My precious, loving, caring little 8 year old baby said, "Hmm, right before Christmas. Those poor people. I bet those parents have bought Christmas presents for their kids, what are they supposed to do this Christmas without their kids?" I was a weeping mess by the time she said Christmas the first time. I had not yet let my brain wander to that thought, that harsh reality. I had not even given consideration to the idea of these families missing the most important part of Christmas...the children.
My daughter then proceeded to say a Hail Mary and an Our Father for the kids that were lost, and all the people affected by this horror. Her sister said it with her, and so did I, but it was her idea. She is the most caring, affectionate child. She wants attention more than any toy on the market. She wants acceptance more than any video game. She wants everyone in her world to be happy more than she wants any material possession.
Telling our kids about this tragedy is important, depending on the age of our children. Mine are old enough to need to have this explained. They watch the news sometimes, they read things, they pay attention to what goes on in the world. I kept my explanation simple, stright forward, and age appropriate. That is the best advice I have.
They need to understand, but they need to have it in a perspective that they can grasp at their age. They need to know they are safe and sound, and that we will do everything we can to protect them from the cold, sometimes cruel world.
So when you talk to your kids about this or any other life event, keep it simple, to the point, and age appropriate. Give them no more information than what they need to understand the basic information. They have an entire lifetime to be jaded by reality, save as much innocence as we can for now.
I just cannot wrap my head around this
Children are innocent beings, pure in heart and mind. It is the adults in the world that jade children and rob them of their innocence. It is the adults that take away their safe havens, whatever that may be.
Children are everything adults should aim to be, positive, energetic, inquisitive, playful, full of unconditional love.
What could anyone think harming innocent babies would do, would accomplish? We are left to try and make sense from nonsense....logic from irrational thoughts and actions. We are left with children who today lost their innocence and a great a deal of their youth, and in too many cases their much too shortened lives.
God rest their souls, and keep them safe because our society did not.
Children are supposed to be safe at school.
Mass shooting in Connecticut.
When we say goodbye to our kids in the morning we take for granted that we may never see them again. It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this entry. I cannot believe that someone could be so sick and twisted as to walk into an elementary school with weapons and murder innocent children.
I cannot hug my kids enough, tell them I love them enough, worry about them enough. My heart literally breaks for these parents and families who lost their children in this horror. I cannot omagine how they or the parents of the other children affected by this will ever heal. How do you ever let your child out of your sight again?!
This world can be a cold, cruel place, but ot does not have to be. We have to step up and take care of each other, love one another, respect human life. Have mercy on innocent children for goodness sake.
I just cannot fathom.
When we say goodbye to our kids in the morning we take for granted that we may never see them again. It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this entry. I cannot believe that someone could be so sick and twisted as to walk into an elementary school with weapons and murder innocent children.
I cannot hug my kids enough, tell them I love them enough, worry about them enough. My heart literally breaks for these parents and families who lost their children in this horror. I cannot omagine how they or the parents of the other children affected by this will ever heal. How do you ever let your child out of your sight again?!
This world can be a cold, cruel place, but ot does not have to be. We have to step up and take care of each other, love one another, respect human life. Have mercy on innocent children for goodness sake.
I just cannot fathom.
Formula Freebies...
There is a push in today's mother/baby units to remove the free sample formula. In New York, Mayor Bloomberg is exercising his efforts to increase breastfeeding by telling formula companies that they may no longer provide free samples of formula to the new mothers. Many people are up in arms over this. People seem to think that he is trying to take away a mother's right to choose whether or not she breastfeeds her child. In reality, he is trying to level the playing field.
These companies are simply exercising a marketing campaign. They are selling their product to new moms by giving it away first. These same companies do not provide free samples for moms who choose to breastfeed exclusively. I did not leave the hospital with breast milk storage bags given to me free. No, I left with a can of formula, which I did not use. I have been nursing my 15 month old since the day she was born, and have no use for formula. If I did need it, I would be okay with the idea of having to buy it myself.
No one is taking away the choice to breastfeed or bottle feed. What is being taken away is the advertising to new moms who may be inclined to give up on breastfeeding when it gets tough, and sometimes it gets tough, because they have this free can of formula sitting there. It is meant to encourage moms to give breastfeeding a chance. This country is one of the only ones where breastfeeding is almost deemed as a bad thing by a large group of people. They become vehement at the site of a woman nursing her baby. Only in America.
We claim to stand for the free and the brave, but turn our backs on the most basic of sustainance giving practices, breastfeeding. Our society is filled with over weight, under exercised, disease riddled people and we cannot figure out why. Hello, wake up!!! It is what we put into our bodies, starting from DAY 1!!!!
So I say, ditch the FREE formula at the hospitals!!! It is still your choice whether or not to breastfeed or formula feed. No one is taking that away from anyone. You just have to pay for it, which you do anyway once you run out of that first can.
These companies are simply exercising a marketing campaign. They are selling their product to new moms by giving it away first. These same companies do not provide free samples for moms who choose to breastfeed exclusively. I did not leave the hospital with breast milk storage bags given to me free. No, I left with a can of formula, which I did not use. I have been nursing my 15 month old since the day she was born, and have no use for formula. If I did need it, I would be okay with the idea of having to buy it myself.
No one is taking away the choice to breastfeed or bottle feed. What is being taken away is the advertising to new moms who may be inclined to give up on breastfeeding when it gets tough, and sometimes it gets tough, because they have this free can of formula sitting there. It is meant to encourage moms to give breastfeeding a chance. This country is one of the only ones where breastfeeding is almost deemed as a bad thing by a large group of people. They become vehement at the site of a woman nursing her baby. Only in America.
We claim to stand for the free and the brave, but turn our backs on the most basic of sustainance giving practices, breastfeeding. Our society is filled with over weight, under exercised, disease riddled people and we cannot figure out why. Hello, wake up!!! It is what we put into our bodies, starting from DAY 1!!!!
So I say, ditch the FREE formula at the hospitals!!! It is still your choice whether or not to breastfeed or formula feed. No one is taking that away from anyone. You just have to pay for it, which you do anyway once you run out of that first can.
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