Just Keep Swimming, You Won't Drown.....

This is a great quote. I struggle with this sometimes. When I have several things going on that preoccupy my mind it is a struggle for me to stay positive. I know I should, but it is not easy.

How do you get back to the positive place once you recognize that some of the negative fear is really taking over. Do you pray? Do you meditate? Do you exercise the negativity away? I feel like the negative thoughts are the boogie man, and once he gets you there is a struggle to get away. I know, it sounds child-like, and maybe it is.

I need to find my antidote for the negative Nellies. I need to find what works for me to snap out of the negative and just stay positive. It's hard when there are several issues at once that you just cannot seem to shake, but it is doable. I have seen many a person with a lot more than myself to be negative about be positive. Maybe I need to pray more, meditate more, exercise more.....wait, let's not get crazy now.

Today I resolve to finding my happy place, hopefully it is close and I won't need directions. Today I resolve to not let the negative issues that swim in my head take over the whole pool, so that I will not drown. Today I resolve to be in a good place. Today I will give myself a break from the tough life issues that I have no control over anyway, and let go. Today, I give my worries, my fears and my pain, both physical and emotional over to God, the universe, Mother Nature, anyone and everyone that is a higher power than myself. Today, I acknowledge that life is bigger than me, and I am but a woman on a journey.

What are you going to do with your today?

Parent Teacher Conferences

Today was parent teacher conference day for my two oldest girls. It is so nice to go into a meeting with teachers and have them rave about how great your kids are to them. My middle daughter is doing better, after a stint in the beginning of the year where she was forgetting to turn in homework.

Her teacher did a test at the beginning of the year and the results show how our children learn best. I think this test is ingenious, and should be done in classes all over. I learned that my child learns best musically. She scored 4 out of 5 for that category, and next was 3 out of 5 for logically. This means that when she can make sense out of something, put it in an order, it makes sense to her. I can see both of these. So now, since she is having some issues with remembering her times tables, we are going to hit up some old school School House Rock, and other musical avenues to help reinforce the times tables for her. I cannot wait to see how this works.

My oldest daughter proved yet again how much like her mother she really is. She is on track to be taking High School level Algebra when she hits 8th grade, just like me. Her teacher is really proud of the work she does, and the person she is. I cannot ask for any better than that.

I love parent teacher conference days because it gives a chance for my daughters' teachers to tell me what they see in my kids. I know what I see, I know what I think they are capable of, but it is nice to have that reiterated by the professionals that spend the entire day with them as well.

I love communicating with the teachers, it is always so insightful and positive. I learn something about my girls every time.

I feel it is every parent's obligation to be involved in their child's education. It is not up to the teachers to educate our children alone. We should participate in their education as much as we can, to show them how important what they do every day is to us.

Weaning Complete....

It is with both great joy and sadness that I announce my third, and final, child has been weaned. She breastfed for 25 months, longer than any of the others. Actually, she nursed longer than the other two COMBINED. She was a boobie hound, boobie-holic, whatever you want to call it. She took to nursing like a champion and never looked back. I tried to cut her back slowly, but she is just not that type of child.

It became clear to me that there would be no child-lead weaning here. If I wanted to be done, I had to call it, cut her off cold turkey and deal with the repercussions. I made the decision to do so about 3 weeks ago. It was not until about 3 days ago that she stopped asking for boobie. She has been having temper tantrums for the duration of the weaning, which I cannot completely attribute to the weaning. I mean, she did just turn two.

My boobs got engorged almost immediately, which was actually helpful when I told her they were broken. Every movement, every time she touched them, shoved her hands down my shirt, or even looked at them too hard, they hurt like CRAZY. She could tell I was in pain. I saw the empathy in my little child's eyes. She could somehow see that this was hurting me too. She stopped asking except for at bedtime. That has been a struggle, and continues to be, although she does not ask anymore. She does try to pull them out. Yes, I know it may sound creepy to some that I have to fight off a two year old. But that is because you are sexualizing the situation. Remember, we are talking about innocent breastfeeding. No nasty comments please.

So now, my little one has been weaned, and as far as I can tell I will never again nurse another baby. I am both happy to have my body back, and sad that this part of my life is over. I try to focus on the happy to have my body back part.

Letting Go....

There is a sense of relief that comes when you finally stop putting effort into something that is a black hole of emotion. You know, those people or situations that just keep taking and taking, without any giving back.

Sometimes these situations happen with a significant other, family member or a friend. Maybe you just went through a divorce and your ex is extremely bitter and vindictive. You cannot change that. You cannot him get over his anger and hurt. You cannot force him to act like a grown up, if he insists on acting like a child.

The same with family. Maybe you have a sibling that just refuses think about anyone but himself. He does not remember your birthday, call for Christmas or just to say hello. You call every week, plus on every special occasion known to man.

Either way, you are left feeling frustrated, hurt and disappointed, and why? Because you had an expectation of certain behavior from these people. When you let go of expecting certain people to behave a certain way, you will lose the hurt and frustration. But how the heck do we stop expecting things of our loved ones?!?! It is not easy, I struggle every day. But I will say this, when I can do it, when I can let go of expecting a person to behave the way I KNOW they should, I do feel better.

I believe it is all tied to ego. When someone "wrongs" us, we feel hurt, wounded and like they should have to make it right. When in reality, we only have control over how we react, and act. That is not to say let people walk all over like a doormat. Set boundaries, and enforce them. If your sibling does not call you, and that bothers you, say something. Tell him you wish he would remember your birthday. If he continues to disregard you, you have two choices either accept it and let go of your hurt, or walk away. Yes, walk away from your sibling. Not necessarily forever....but detach yourself from what is obviously an unhealthy relationship. Maybe once he realizes you are removing yourself he will stop and look at why.

As I said before, the only control we have is over our own actions. To steal a phrase from Dr. Phil, "You teach people how to treat you." If people are mistreating you, it is time to teach them a new way, a way in which you respect yourself enough to NOT put up with rotten behavior.

Let go, you cannot make people act any way but how they choose to act. Instead, lead by example.

What Lifted You Up Today??

I read an article that suggested you list three things daily that make you smile. They do not have to be big things, just the simple little things in your day that make you stop for a moment and appreciate life.

My first one was when my little Gabbi wrapped her arms around me this morning. She has not been feeling well and is even clingier to mommy lately. But she just wraps her arms around me, pats my back and melts my heart. It makes me stop, forget the sleepless night and just be.

The second moment happens five days a week. When I take my older two girls to school, we have the best time. We sing in the car, we goof on silly things we see and we play "Punch Bug, No Punch Backs." Our ride is 15 minutes, at most, but it is a really enjoyable time for me, because I feel good they are starting the day out in a happy note.

Today the third moment happened when I caught a side view glance of myself in the mirror and thought, "girl, are you losing weight?!?!" LOL! It was a welcome change from some of the usual negative feedback I give myself. So I gave myself a pat on the back for both the acknowledgement and the weight loss. Then I made baked mac-n-cheese for dinner, to really celebrate.

What are your thankful moments? Write them down, somewhere, everyday. Keep a journal, post it on Facebook, Instagram your moment. Do whatever you can to acknowledge the moment and solidify it to look back at later.

Parents Aging...

I never thought at this age I would be dealing with having two sick parents. My parents are in their late 50's and each of them has a host of medical issues. I do not have a relationship with my father, but I am besties with my mother. I am not sure which is harder to stomach. 

I have reached out several times in my life to my father. He was very absent when I was a child, and it did a great deal of damage to my psyche. Through years of counseling and self-esteem building, I was finally able to resolve a great deal of my own issues from the absence. But when I think about the potential that he could die and we do not speak, it just boggles my mind. I have to wonder, would I be welcome at his funeral? Certainly not by my grandparents, but I would by my sisters, and probably my aunt. I have a good relationship with my sisters, but not with anyone else on that side of the family. My sisters and I have hit a few bumps in the road (mostly on my behalf) but we are in a good place now. I love them dearly, and I don't think they realize how much. 

Then there is my mother. I talk to her every day, at least once. When I was a child she was...well...there is no other way to say it, she was bat-shit crazy.  I thought she was bi-polar, manic, you name it, she was it. But over the years, she has changed.....some. She is still a little crazy, but now that neither my brother or myself are in need of her care, she is only potentially harmful to herself. 

She has a host of issues that render her disabled. She is going tomorrow for a doctor appointment for yet a new crazy set of symptoms of some potentially life changing illness. If I lost her today, I would be completely and totally devastated. We have worked so hard to build our relationship into what it is today. We have both gone through some really tough introspection and work in order to be where we are today. If I lost her today, I would be heartbroken.

If I lost my father today, I would lose all hope that somehow, someway, things would change. I cannot accept the way he is now into my life. I need him to own his actions, or in-actions. I have to know that he loves and accepts me for who I am. I cannot tolerate the negative ball of emotion that he is. I just cannot. I spent too many years crying over this relationship. 

So, for two completely different reasons, the aging and degeneration of my parents is really hitting me hard right now.  

Miriam Carey

Being that I live in the Washington D.C. area, this story really scared the hell out of me when it was happening. I was sitting in carpool checking out Facebook, because what else is a bored mom to do. All of a sudden the news feeds starting updating with details about a high speed chase, and multiple gunshots around the Capitol building. I was shocked. Like many others, I immediately thought it was probably someone going off their rocker regarding the government shutdown.

Miriam Carey drove from Connecticut to D.C. with her one year old in the car, and wreaked havoc in the streets of our capitol. She used her car as a weapon, endangering herself, her child, and everyone else on the street. While I do not think she "deserved" to die, she brought this on herself.

Yes, I know she has a history of post-partum depression and was recently taken off her medication. But, there has to be some accountability here. If she was experiencing delusions, like her boyfriend said, why did no one help her? If she was actively expressing the thought that President Obama was stalking her, where was her help? How was she able to care for her child if she was that delusional?

I think the police did what they had to do. She was actively trying to ram into barricades and using her car as a weapon. It is a tragedy, yes, but the police served and protected. In the heat of the moment you react with what you know to do, what you are trained to do. The police are trained to stop that type of behavior any way possible, even if by force if no other method is working. People cannot go around trying to run people down, and ramming cars with children in them into barricades.

Her mental health is not important at that point in time. Certainly it is something that can lead to determining a motive later on, but in the heat of that moment there is no time to discern who this person is and what has led them to the dangerous behavior they are exhibiting.

So while it is tragic, I believe that the police did exactly what they had to regarding Miriam Carey.