Letting Go....

There is a sense of relief that comes when you finally stop putting effort into something that is a black hole of emotion. You know, those people or situations that just keep taking and taking, without any giving back.

Sometimes these situations happen with a significant other, family member or a friend. Maybe you just went through a divorce and your ex is extremely bitter and vindictive. You cannot change that. You cannot him get over his anger and hurt. You cannot force him to act like a grown up, if he insists on acting like a child.

The same with family. Maybe you have a sibling that just refuses think about anyone but himself. He does not remember your birthday, call for Christmas or just to say hello. You call every week, plus on every special occasion known to man.

Either way, you are left feeling frustrated, hurt and disappointed, and why? Because you had an expectation of certain behavior from these people. When you let go of expecting certain people to behave a certain way, you will lose the hurt and frustration. But how the heck do we stop expecting things of our loved ones?!?! It is not easy, I struggle every day. But I will say this, when I can do it, when I can let go of expecting a person to behave the way I KNOW they should, I do feel better.

I believe it is all tied to ego. When someone "wrongs" us, we feel hurt, wounded and like they should have to make it right. When in reality, we only have control over how we react, and act. That is not to say let people walk all over like a doormat. Set boundaries, and enforce them. If your sibling does not call you, and that bothers you, say something. Tell him you wish he would remember your birthday. If he continues to disregard you, you have two choices either accept it and let go of your hurt, or walk away. Yes, walk away from your sibling. Not necessarily forever....but detach yourself from what is obviously an unhealthy relationship. Maybe once he realizes you are removing yourself he will stop and look at why.

As I said before, the only control we have is over our own actions. To steal a phrase from Dr. Phil, "You teach people how to treat you." If people are mistreating you, it is time to teach them a new way, a way in which you respect yourself enough to NOT put up with rotten behavior.

Let go, you cannot make people act any way but how they choose to act. Instead, lead by example.

What Lifted You Up Today??

I read an article that suggested you list three things daily that make you smile. They do not have to be big things, just the simple little things in your day that make you stop for a moment and appreciate life.

My first one was when my little Gabbi wrapped her arms around me this morning. She has not been feeling well and is even clingier to mommy lately. But she just wraps her arms around me, pats my back and melts my heart. It makes me stop, forget the sleepless night and just be.

The second moment happens five days a week. When I take my older two girls to school, we have the best time. We sing in the car, we goof on silly things we see and we play "Punch Bug, No Punch Backs." Our ride is 15 minutes, at most, but it is a really enjoyable time for me, because I feel good they are starting the day out in a happy note.

Today the third moment happened when I caught a side view glance of myself in the mirror and thought, "girl, are you losing weight?!?!" LOL! It was a welcome change from some of the usual negative feedback I give myself. So I gave myself a pat on the back for both the acknowledgement and the weight loss. Then I made baked mac-n-cheese for dinner, to really celebrate.

What are your thankful moments? Write them down, somewhere, everyday. Keep a journal, post it on Facebook, Instagram your moment. Do whatever you can to acknowledge the moment and solidify it to look back at later.

Parents Aging...

I never thought at this age I would be dealing with having two sick parents. My parents are in their late 50's and each of them has a host of medical issues. I do not have a relationship with my father, but I am besties with my mother. I am not sure which is harder to stomach. 

I have reached out several times in my life to my father. He was very absent when I was a child, and it did a great deal of damage to my psyche. Through years of counseling and self-esteem building, I was finally able to resolve a great deal of my own issues from the absence. But when I think about the potential that he could die and we do not speak, it just boggles my mind. I have to wonder, would I be welcome at his funeral? Certainly not by my grandparents, but I would by my sisters, and probably my aunt. I have a good relationship with my sisters, but not with anyone else on that side of the family. My sisters and I have hit a few bumps in the road (mostly on my behalf) but we are in a good place now. I love them dearly, and I don't think they realize how much. 

Then there is my mother. I talk to her every day, at least once. When I was a child she was...well...there is no other way to say it, she was bat-shit crazy.  I thought she was bi-polar, manic, you name it, she was it. But over the years, she has changed.....some. She is still a little crazy, but now that neither my brother or myself are in need of her care, she is only potentially harmful to herself. 

She has a host of issues that render her disabled. She is going tomorrow for a doctor appointment for yet a new crazy set of symptoms of some potentially life changing illness. If I lost her today, I would be completely and totally devastated. We have worked so hard to build our relationship into what it is today. We have both gone through some really tough introspection and work in order to be where we are today. If I lost her today, I would be heartbroken.

If I lost my father today, I would lose all hope that somehow, someway, things would change. I cannot accept the way he is now into my life. I need him to own his actions, or in-actions. I have to know that he loves and accepts me for who I am. I cannot tolerate the negative ball of emotion that he is. I just cannot. I spent too many years crying over this relationship. 

So, for two completely different reasons, the aging and degeneration of my parents is really hitting me hard right now.  

Miriam Carey

Being that I live in the Washington D.C. area, this story really scared the hell out of me when it was happening. I was sitting in carpool checking out Facebook, because what else is a bored mom to do. All of a sudden the news feeds starting updating with details about a high speed chase, and multiple gunshots around the Capitol building. I was shocked. Like many others, I immediately thought it was probably someone going off their rocker regarding the government shutdown.

Miriam Carey drove from Connecticut to D.C. with her one year old in the car, and wreaked havoc in the streets of our capitol. She used her car as a weapon, endangering herself, her child, and everyone else on the street. While I do not think she "deserved" to die, she brought this on herself.

Yes, I know she has a history of post-partum depression and was recently taken off her medication. But, there has to be some accountability here. If she was experiencing delusions, like her boyfriend said, why did no one help her? If she was actively expressing the thought that President Obama was stalking her, where was her help? How was she able to care for her child if she was that delusional?

I think the police did what they had to do. She was actively trying to ram into barricades and using her car as a weapon. It is a tragedy, yes, but the police served and protected. In the heat of the moment you react with what you know to do, what you are trained to do. The police are trained to stop that type of behavior any way possible, even if by force if no other method is working. People cannot go around trying to run people down, and ramming cars with children in them into barricades.

Her mental health is not important at that point in time. Certainly it is something that can lead to determining a motive later on, but in the heat of that moment there is no time to discern who this person is and what has led them to the dangerous behavior they are exhibiting.

So while it is tragic, I believe that the police did exactly what they had to regarding Miriam Carey.

Am I ADD?!?!

Now, before I get a host of nasty comments about the reality of ADD/ADHD and how I should not jest please do not get your panties in a wad over this.

I have been trying to keep this blog food relevant for a little bit now, and I just cannot. I know, I know, most successful blogs are focused and organized. Well, guess what, sometimes I am just all over the place. Sometimes I want to discuss potty training, and then jump to pre-teen issues. Sometimes I will talk about healthy vegetarian cooking, and follow it up with a recipe for something with chocolate, in chocolate, about chocolate....mmmmm....did someone say chocolate?!?!

The fact of the matter is this, I am who I am, and while I am a great Mom....well let's just put a period on the end of that sentence. I am a great Mom.

I have an active lifestyle which involves many facets and layers, like Shrek, I am an onion....only less green and not stinky.

So please have some patience with me while I adjust my subject matter yet again.  I do promise to keep up the recipe/food porn posting...OMG, a parenting blog with the word porn...someone stop this crazy woman.

So stay tuned. As I promised in the very, very beginning, this will be a roller coaster ride, so put your hair up in a pony tail, hike up your yoga pants, and get ready!